When "A Thousand Miles" came out, I was like everyone else mostly. I thought it was SUCH an amazing song. But I did that Nessaholic taboo for the longest time: I confused Michelle Branch and Vanessa Carlton! I was so misguided!
I remember one day, "Ordinary Day" was on the radio. I was riding across the Cooper River Bridge in Charleston, SC, bringing my sister home for break while she was in college still. She and I always had pretty dramatically different tastes in music. So, when I turned up the volume when the song came on, she said, "What the fuck is this shit?" And I said, "Shawn! It's Vanessa Carlton!" I was angry. I wasn't a super-fan yet, but I was a fan. I hadn't got the CD, but I was thinking about getting it. I sang badly throughout the song. I didn't care what she thought: that was a damn good song! To quote the infamous Irv Gotti, that song was THE shit!
About a year later, I picked up Be Not Nobody by chance when I saw it at Target. I was just starting to really enjoy music. Like part of development during adolescence being more interested in music, or something. And her music was instantly one of my favorites. I remember listening to "Twilight" and dancing and swaying to the music. Singing along. I loved the song because I could so much relate to the lyrics. I had always felt as if I'd "seen twilight" for my entire life. And it was uplifting to hear that I could "say goodbye to yesterday and I will never cease to fly..." The lyrics. The music. They gave me a bit of hope that I'd yearned for. It was one of the first songs that had emotionally touched me. But I still hadn't got stricken by the Vanessa Music Madness.
When the single for "White Houses," came out I was in eighth grade. It was the worst year of my life, by far. So I isolated myself. I talked on the phone with people I'd met on the internet. One, named Chris, was talking to me while I walked my dog around the block. He said, "hey, there's this really awesome new song by that girl, Vanessa Carlton. It's called 'White Houses.'" I was instantly energized by the thought of new music. Especially music from someone who could play the piano like Vanessa. I loved (and still love) the sounds of the piano. So, I went home and watched the video. I was astounded. I loved it! I went to my mom and said, to her that there was a great new song by the same girl who did "A Thousand Miles," and that I wanted her to listen. She wasn't pleased. She begrudgingly came to the computer and I pulled up the video. I recall one comment in particular that I had no particular feelings about, but for some reason stood out: "why do all the artists these days have to talk about sex! 'Rush of blood. And a little bit of pain?' That's vulgur!" I didn't agree. I thought it was one of the first times sex was portrayed in a respectable, artistic manner. I loved the song. I couldn't wait for the CD to release. But, still. I was not a bona fide Nessaholic. I was just as into Maria Mena and Lillix (haha) than I was her.
Then came the day that Harmonium leaked. I downloaded it over Bittorrent, knowing my mom wouldn't dare buy the CD (don't worry, I bought it!). I started listening. The first song I listened to was "White Houses." Then came the time I knew I'd been struck. "San Francisco" started playing. I started dancing. I felt as if the music was entering me. Like I was part of it. I closed my eyes and I remember that I felt joy for the first time in my life. It was fleeting, but it was precious. I knew then that Vanessa Carlton would be my favorite artist of all time. The next day, I went on a trip to Orlando with on a school trip. The entire ride, I listened to BNN and Harmonium. Just as we entered Orlando, "San Francisco" came on again. I felt like it was the song that was describing what was going on in the here and now. But, instead of California, I was in Florida! I spoke of her CD with passion the entire trip. After the trip, though, came very bad things that still to this day have emotionally scarred me. And the only thing that I can remember about those times was Vanessa's music. It kept me alive while I struggled being gay in a conservative world. "Who's To Say," became my theme song. I just felt so connected to it.
Since then, I still love her music. Every song she's written has touched me in some way or another that I feel has made a positive impact. Harmonium, in my opinion, was the most amazing CD I've ever had the pleasure to listen to in my life. It's perfect in every way. And it reminds me that, even when life is tough, music is always there to be my comfort. Especially Vanessa Carlton's music, combined with her vibrant, passionate, yet esoteric lyrics.
I remember that night I danced to "San Francisco" so vividly to this day. The calm before the storm of the chaos to come. So peaceful, so joyful. It was my first high in life. The first musically-induced intoxication. And I will never forget it. I must say, that no drug will ever replicate the high of sound entering my ears.
So, that was my story of the entrance into the world of Nessaholism. I would love to hear everyone else's stories of their "first times." I think everyone would appreciate seeing personal stories of others who have been touched by her music for the first time. I've shared another story with you all about how much "London" affected me. So I thought maybe I'd share this story. Your turn!
