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Other Topics => Creative Endeavors => Topic started by: itsthefiveofus on July 06, 2007, 05:03:24 pm

Title: Face
Post by: itsthefiveofus on July 06, 2007, 05:03:24 pm

This is probabbly the first poem that I have written that I am comfterble sharing. so imput..thanks...



Face

I make my way
to the circle shaped concrete path
the path shines from the rays of the sun
 
I walk and look
look at anything I can
I hear a noise
A noise I have never heard
 
I start walking to see what that noise is
I see a figure
figure dark
and lonely
 
it sits on a bench colored green
than gently glides towards the grass
I say "are you alright?"
 
I hear a whimper
A cry of help
I ask again "are you alright?"
 
the figure moves towards me
smells me
and backs away
 
I stand there in awe
I see his face
his face broken but behind a mask
 
a mask that is happy
he removes the mask
reveling a face broken
 
he is broken and sad
he stares into the sun and wonders
I try to think what he is thinking
 
I know what he is thinking
I can tell
I can feel and hear it in my mind
 
he gets closer
closer by the second
gliding uncontrollably
to the point where now he’s 2 feet away from me
 
I jump back
I now have a clear sight of his face
his face being mine

Title: Face
Post by: givemer0mance on July 08, 2007, 07:33:35 am

i really love it!
and i love how you build the poem to the ending. i think its great. =]
good job!

Title: Face
Post by: Rainy night on July 08, 2007, 08:25:57 am

Waaaaaaaaaaaw  :razz:   :razz:  
I looove your poem!!!! Really. It's indeed very well built. There's a good ryth'm and good metaphores. I love that! Keep writing sweetie, you're good at that.  :wink: