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Other Topics => Creative Endeavors => Topic started by: Ms.Redd on June 15, 2003, 02:01:25 pm

Title: ... ?? ... (I don't really wanna call this anything)
Post by: Ms.Redd on June 15, 2003, 02:01:25 pm

You know that feeling when your eye's are red
And they burn?
When your heart is racing but yet your standing
Still?
Your face is shiny from the dried tears that were
Never wiped off...
And shiny from the new wet ones that endlessly
Fall on down?
That no matter how hard you try
No matter what way you walk
Or the way you speak or
Try to improve...
The few people who need to see it,
Never do?
Yeah... its sorta like that.

Okay, ... Uhm, if people are wondering why all I write is depressing stuff about my life, its because I only write when I'm feeling like this... Crap. Its cheesy if I ever write when I'm in a good mood. So I don't, ... Sorry if that irritates anyone.

Title: ... ?? ... (I don't really wanna call this anything)
Post by: Si on June 16, 2003, 09:46:28 pm

It's not irritating me...

:)

Title: suggestions
Post by: jsbachsonata on June 16, 2003, 10:41:25 pm

hi. ok. i'm not sure if you're trying to write lyrics, but I'll give you some suggestions (this only if you're writing lyrics) You could put in a few rhymes in here, especially assonance rhyme. That's what i find really interesting. Also, you could separate your lines into stanzas, it gets you more organized. Also use some sensory details and a few metaphors/analogies that match your mood; try to convey one mood throughout the whole poem, and then you'll have a really strong mood. That would make it muy perfecto! :) just suggestions. hope i was some help.

Title: ... ?? ... (I don't really wanna call this anything)
Post by: Ms.Redd on June 17, 2003, 09:15:56 am

thanks... Good suggestions but ... its not lyrics... Just thoughts, I mean... I wouldn't even consider it a poem...

But like I said good suggestions overall...