NESSAholics.com
Other Topics => Completely Off-Topic => Topic started by: Ms.Redd on September 05, 2003, 05:15:35 am
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Got this in a FWD: email from my sister... I thought it was pretty funny. ;)
RALPH STUDY
KG8RL
Man Schooling:
For those of you who are married, were married, or are contemplating marriage - under the assumption that men need (or ought) to be trained for marriage. Southwest Tech is offering a new 2 year associates degree....
TWO YEAR DEGREE: Becoming a Real Man. That's right, in just six mini-semesters, you, too, can be a real man as well as earn an associates degree in MA (Male Arts). Please take a moment to look over the program outline.
FIRST YEAR
Autumn Schedule:
MEN 101 Combating Stupidity
MEN 102 You, Too, Can Do Housework
MEN 103 PMS-Learn When to Keep Your Mouth Shut
MEN 104 We Do Not Want Sleazy Underwear for Christmas
Winter Schedule:
MEN 110 Wonderful Laundry Techniques
MEN 111 Understanding the Female Response to Getting in at 2 AM
MEN 112 Parenting: It Doesn't End with Conception
EAT 100 Get a Life, Learn to Cook
EAT 101 Get a Life, Learn to Cook II
ECON 001A What's Hers is Hers
Spring Schedule:
MEN 120 How NOT to Act Like a Buttface When You're Wrong
MEN 121 Understanding Your Incompetence
MEN 122 YOU, the Weaker Sex
MEN 123 Reasons to Give Flowers
ECON 001C What Was Yours is Hers
SECOND YEAR
Autumn Schedule:
SEX 101 You CAN Fall Asleep without It
SEX 102 Morning Dilemma: If It's Awake, Take a Shower
SEX 103 How to Stay Awake After Sex
MEN 201 How to Put the Toilet Seat Down
Elective (See Electives Below)
Winter Schedule:
MEN 210 The Remote Control: Overcoming Your Dependency
MEN 211 How to Not Act Younger than Your Children
MEN 212 You, Too, Can Be a Designated Driver
MEN 213 Honest, You Don't Look Like Tom Cruise
MEN 230A Her Birthdays and Anniversaries Are Important
Spring Schedule:
MEN 220 Omitting %&*! from Your Vocabulary (Pass/Fail Only)
MEN 221 Fluffing the Blanket After Farting Is Not Necessary
MEN 222 Real Men Ask for Directions
MEN 223 Thirty Minutes of Begging is NOT Considered Foreplay
MEN 230B Her Birthdays and Anniversaries Are Important 2
Course Electives:
EAT 101 Cooking with Tofu
EAT 102 Utilization of Eating Utensils
EAT 103 Burping and Belching Discreetly
MEN 231 Mothers-in-law
MEN 232 Appear to Be Listening
MEN 233 Just Say "Yes, Dear"
ECON 001C Cheaper to Keep Her
Just a thought for all the women out there...- MENtal illness, MENstrual cramps, MENtal breakdown, MENopause, GUYnocologist (poetic spelling). Ever notice how all of women's problems start with men? Send this to all of the women you know (and men with a sense of humor) and brighten their day!!!...and when we have real trouble, it's a HISterectomy.
:lol:
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You know what you tell a woman with two bruises on her face?
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.
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Nothing, you done already told the bitch twice. :twisted:
---Andrew
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What do you do when the dish washer stops working?
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.
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Slap her on the ass and tell her to get back in the kitchen. :twisted:
Andrew... you realize we're going to hell right?
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You know what you tell a woman with two bruises on her face?
.
.
.
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Nothing, you done already told the bitch twice. :twisted:
---Andrew
What do you do when the dish washer is broken?
.
.
.
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Slap her on the ass and tell her to get to work. :twisted:
Andrew... you realize we're going to hell right?
:o
:o
*speechless
(I thought better of you guys... ;) )
LOL
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:o
:o
*speechless
(I thought better of you guys... ;) )
LOL
See, that was your first mistake. We may be nice sometimes... but we're sitll guys :wink:
I got a bunch more.
What do 10,000 battered women have in common?
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They don't know when to shut their f'in mouths.
---Andrew
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lmfao
aww, so bad, you are so bad!!
(but those are funny, LOL)
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You forgot one:
LIE 101: Always lie when she stands in front of a mirror and asks: "Do you think I gained weight?"
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What do 10,000 battered women have in common?
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.
.
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They don't know when to shut their f'in mouths.
---Andrew
Is that even funny? I think you forgot that jokes are supposed to have some element of humour in them, dear.
And yes, yes you are both going to hell. Stupid jokes like:
why can't women ski? -because you can't ski from the bedroom to the kitchen.
why are women's feet small? - so you can get closer to the kitchen sink.
oh HOW HILLARIOUS. Tell a joke like that and watch all females within a 5 metre radius of you vacate the area. Si, don't laugh- laugh at jokes that are funny.
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Si, don't laugh- laugh at jokes that are funny.
:?:
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Si, don't laugh- laugh at jokes that are funny.
:?:
Those just aren't funny jokes, i might laugh if they were sexist and funny, but they're just sexist and plain unfunny.
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Well the whole thread is sexist Rosie... But I do agree, its not good humor to joke about beating a woman senseless (or ANYONE for that matter) just because they could shut their "f'in" mouths.
I just thought that the FWD email was cute... And it says as a sense of humor... And I did think it was funny because its just saying yes, men and women should be different species because one thinks one thing is right and the other thinks the total opposite is better.
I agree Rosie... Their "humor" wasn't so great either.
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lol, yes- i may vaguely laugh at sexist jokes that are FUNNY. Because everyone should have appreciation for a funny joke! But not when they are just appauling jokes like those ones, its like some stupid football hooligan went 'ooh ooh, i know- this one is funny." and made a shite joke up on the spot. If you are going to be sexist at least do it in style.
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Yeah, maybe this whole entire thread should be
L O C K E D !!!!!!!!!
:roll:
lol
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why can't women ski? -because you can't ski from the bedroom to the kitchen.
ROFL.
I ..... can't... breath.... tooo..... funnny........
*collapses*
---Andrew
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Rosie dear, stop playing double standards. Just because you don't think a given joke is funny doesn't mean the joke is in bad taste. Frankly, I find all those jokes funny. And so do about a dozen of my friends. Not to mention the VAST MAJORITY of the people I have told them too. I have a whole collection of BAD jokes about all kinds of topics.
Frankly, I think it says a lot about a person if you can't laugh at an innaproriate joke like that.
Comedy AS A UNIVERSAL RULE is someone elses pain. ALWAYS. You cannot name me a comedic event that I cannot demonstrate that it is rooted in laughing at someones misfortune.
Some of us are just more honest with ourselves.
Or wait, you are British. So maybe to be funny it has to involve cross dressing, walking funny or someone being hit with a heavy blunt object?
---Andrew
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Or wait, you are British. So maybe to be funny it has to involve cross dressing, walking funny or someone being hit with a heavy blunt object?
---Andrew
You just enjoy being a dick. Plain and simple.
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You just enjoy being a dick. Plain and simple.
Depends on if it's warranted.
---Andrew
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That made no sense.
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That made no sense.
Then use a dictionary and look up the words. At your age I would think that would be pretty easy to understand.
I like the sig. Use my screename though, so people don't get confused about which Andrew you are talking about.
---Andrew
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Firstly, it didn't make any sense because it wasn't "warranted". You didn't really have any right to turn this thread around and make it serious.
And yeah, I'm glad you like the sig. It made me laugh. :twisted:
Yo, Kev. Mind locking this? Some idiot here decided to go all stupid on me and ruin the humor.
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Firstly, it didn't make any sense because it wasn't "warranted". You didn't really have any right to turn this thread around and make it serious.
And yeah, I'm glad you like the sig. It made me laugh. :twisted:
Yo, Kev. Mind locking this? Some idiot here decided to go all stupid on me and ruin the humor.
Somebody isn't an automatically an idiot or stupid because they disagree with you. I don't see any real reason to lock it. I think people can work it out in a civilised manner. So long as people aren't insulting other people we'll be fine.
Plus I plan on responding to it, so I can't lock it ;)
-Kev
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I already know all those things and i didnt even need the courses :razz:
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Comedy AS A UNIVERSAL RULE is someone elses pain. ALWAYS. You cannot name me a comedic event that I cannot demonstrate that it is rooted in laughing at someones misfortune.
Hah. yeah it is hard to think of something. There is certainly not a lot funnier than seeing somebody fall over, lol. But how about my favourite joke, the orange for a head joke? (http://forums.nessaholics.com/viewtopic.php?t=345). It doesn't work too well when delivered via text (rather than speaking) But I can't see that it is about somebody elses pain.
Rosie dear, stop playing double standards. Just because you don't think a given joke is funny doesn't mean the joke is in bad taste.
Frankly, I find all those jokes funny. And so do about a dozen of my friends. Not to mention the VAST MAJORITY of the people I have told them too. I have a whole collection of BAD jokes about all kinds of topics.
Equally, that doesn't mean that it isn't in bad taste.
Or wait, you are British. So maybe to be funny it has to involve cross
dressing, walking funny or someone being hit with a heavy blunt object?
Bah, a few terribly unfunny british comics make it well known over in the US (does the fact that only the poor british comics made it say anything?) and the entirety of british comedy is tarred with the same brush. Benny Hill was never funny! Oh what irrepairable damage him and his kind have done :?
However, I can't deny that the all time funniest comedy is The Simpsons (thankyou America :))
-Kev
P.S. Alan Partridge is the finest example of British humour (IMHO) Anybody ever seen it in the US?
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Kev - The orange for a head joke totally went over well with my people, LOL!
Also, this thread is equally sexist, no one should be offended (not that I, being a girl, was, but I'm just saying). I understand what both sexes are saying and you know what . . .
IT'S ALL A BUNCH OF BULLSHIT
Neither sex is superior to the other, that's why Feminist piss me of so goddam much.
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I don't mind all the other jokes.... but the battered women joke hit close to home. I know far too many people who have been in those situations... I don't find it funny. I find it distasteful. And there is no way it could be considered funny.
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SEX 103 How to Stay Awake After Sex
MEN 201 How to Put the Toilet Seat Down
Those are my faves! ;)
and everyone.. play nice :)
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CeCe, if you ever ran for office, I'd certainly vote for you, even if it wasn't even in my district! You have one heck of a belief system! 8)
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Or wait, you are British. So maybe to be funny it has to involve cross dressing, walking funny or someone being hit with a heavy blunt object?
---Andrew
Oh please- if anything i think of that as American humour. The reason why you do not 'get our sense of humour' is because we have a sense of irony in ours. Not blatant, straight forward jokes or slapstick comedy. Unlike yours.
Like Kevin said, you are clearly tarnished with the old british comedians who no-one even remotely finds funny anymore. So please, stop making gross generalisations unless you have some idea of what britian finds amusing- like Alan Partridge (funniest man in the world, ever).
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Kev - The orange for a head joke totally went over well with my people, LOL!
:D
no one should be offended
Nobody can help what they find offensive. To me it seems (not on the board, but everywhere) that all too often people plead the right to say whatever they like and then deny people the right to voice objection to what is said. That way they can avoid the responsibility of having to watch what they say for fear of hurting somebody by blaming any offense caused on the "over sensitivity" or "prudishness" of the offended.
I don't mind all the other jokes.... but the battered women joke hit close to home. I know far too many people who have been in those situations... I don't find it funny. I find it distasteful. And there is no way it could be considered funny.
The humour of the joke (like all jokes) is in the unexpectedness of the punchline. The shear wrongness of it only adds to the surprise. Surprise is one of the main things that make up what we find funny. In total fairness, I don't think anybody who's ever told or laughed at that joke actually finds the idea of battered women funny in itself.
-Kev
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*sigh
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*sigh
*hugs Si*
silly people :wink:
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*sigh
*hugs Si*
silly people :wink:
Yay
*hugggs Peter too
Yes, silly people
But I still love 'em
;)
:Þ
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Bah, a few terribly unfunny british comics make it well known over in the US (does the fact that only the poor british comics made it say anything?) and the entirety of british comedy is tarred with the same brush. Benny Hill was never funny! Oh what irrepairable damage him and his kind have done :?
However, I can't deny that the all time funniest comedy is The Simpsons (thankyou America :))
I never said British humor wasn't funny, did I? :wink:
Personally, I find the majority of British humor to be a riot. But it's fun to stereotype it :twisted:.
Agreed on the simpsons. Homer is my Idol.
"mmmmm, sacrilicious"
---Andrew
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Firstly, it didn't make any sense because it wasn't "warranted". You didn't really have any right to turn this thread around and make it serious.
I never said it was warranted in this situation. You just said I enjoyed being a dick. And In my statement I essentially said "yes, I do infact, but only when it's warranted".
I never said I was being a dick to anyone in this thread. I never said being a dick in this thread was warranted. You make far too many assumptions based on limited information.
---Andrew
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Oh please- if anything i think of that as American humour. The reason why you do not 'get our sense of humour' is because we have a sense of irony in ours. Not blatant, straight forward jokes or slapstick comedy. Unlike yours.
Who says I don't "get" british humor? no slapstick comedy? Have you watched monty python?
Like Kevin said, you are clearly tarnished with the old british comedians who no-one even remotely finds funny anymore. So please, stop making gross generalisations unless you have some idea of what britian finds amusing- like Alan Partridge (funniest man in the world, ever).
Agreed. I was generalizing. It's Ironic really, because I was being a smartass..... well, me being a smartass isn't Ironic, but people assuming I was serious when I made fun of British comedy is...
Alan Partridge hu? Does he do standup?
---Andrew
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Monty Python is GREAT.
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Monty Python tickles parts of my brain I ofTen forget I have. How can they not be funny? All you have to do is have your needle in the groove, and you're going to pick up on it! :lol:
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Have you watched monty python?
Did you actually just ask me if i have ever watched Monty Python? Are you trying to insult me?
Alan Partridge hu? Does he do standup?
---Andrew
Lol, does he do stand up.He's not actually a real person. http://www.bbc.co.uk/comedy/partridge/
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I was being a smartass..... well, me being a smartass isn't Ironic, but people assuming I was serious when I made fun of British comedy is...
---Andrew
Oh and don't give me that b/s about 'oh it was only a joke, can't you take a joke?' because you were being serious and when it backfires you claim it was in humour. And you being a smartarse is ironic.
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Alan Partridge hu? Does he do standup?
He's a character created by the (genius) comedian Steve Coogan. Coogan doesn't do any stand up (that I know of).
-Kev
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Stand up :?: :
http://www.s.guest.freeuk.com/Vidclips/Who_am_i.mpg
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Stand up :?: :
http://www.s.guest.freeuk.com/Vidclips/Who_am_i.mpg
That mpg crashes my video player :(. What is it? Steve Coogan doing standup?
-Kev
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It's funny!
Rather hard to understand though
lol
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It's funny!
Rather hard to understand though
lol
Is it Alan Patridge? Who is it Si!?
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Oh and don't give me that b/s about 'oh it was only a joke, can't you take a joke?' because you were being serious and when it backfires you claim it was in humour. And you being a smartarse is ironic.
I don't know if you've ever noticed it... but part of my sense of humor involves saying things that get people to react the way I want them to react. Then when I get them riled up, they usually realize i'm messing with them and we all have a good laugh. The magic in it is keeping a straight face till you get the desired reaction out of people. Luckily this isn't a problem over the internet, thus, I get a good laugh. Although, it's not quite as fun for my victims when they don't get to see my mischevious grin.
Ask people who've met me, because I'm sure they have all been the victim at one time or another. I know nikkee has :twisted:
Anyways. Regardless of if you believe me, being a smartass would only be considered Ironic if you would normally expect me to specifically NOT be a smartass. Actually, more accuratly, for me to be the OPPOSITE of a smartass. If you expected me to be completely serious. Thus is the definiton of Irony.
So do you normally expect me to be completely straight laced and serious? If so, then maybe I don't communicate properly on here.
I always figured most people assume I am ALWAYS being a smartass :wink:
Besides, it's almost impossible for something I say to backfire. I damn near always get the results I want from people. Sometimes people just don't realize they are giving me the reaction I want.
---Andrew
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Stand up :?: :
http://www.s.guest.freeuk.com/Vidclips/Who_am_i.mpg
Ill have to check it out when I get home...
---Andrew