NESSAholics.com
Other Topics => Creative Endeavors => Topic started by: All I Ask2003 on January 21, 2005, 02:17:33 pm
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Yeah...I wrote this during one of my classes today, not paying attention as usual :razz: heres we go...
Light, solitude
Don't wake me up yet
The sun's eyes burn into me
And force me out of bed
I leave behind my bed and dreamland
All of my dreams meet the morning light
All that was has faded
Sleep, take me back
I find my only solace in you
Dreaming so immaculate, shatters...
When a stream of light breaks through
Go away
These dirty sheets keep me company
And I haven't lost my faith
In a world that still has faith in me
But now I'm lying here-
Lying in pieces
In the afterglow of the nightmares
Hanging above me, taunting me
This smile masks my longing
For the evanescence of day
I only have to close my eyes
I'm unprepared to live again
Light, solitude
Don't wake me up yet...
end.
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I have a very strange relationship with my dreams and nightmares as well. Well-written!
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I like the repetition of the title bc it rounds off the poem, but you repeat dream, sleep,wake, light and bed too often- it's distracting and detracting.
This poem didn't leave me with any kind of lasting impression. I think the repetition of the same words over and over just lead me to feel like I was hearing the same sentiment repeated in different ways until the end just left off where you started; instead of going full circle, you've just sort of gone: forward, rewind, start over....
I liked some of the imagery though, nice :)