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Other Topics => Completely Off-Topic => Topic started by: Holly on March 01, 2005, 10:59:39 am
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have any of you ever had one? are they worthwhile or not?
I met the man of my dreams. We both really like eachother. He says I'm the greatest girl he's met in a really long time and he really wants to be with me. The only problem is he's leaving in a couple months and is afraid of long distance relationships! this sucks! haha
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have any of you ever had one? are they worthwhile or not?
I met the man of my dreams. We both really like eachother. He says I'm the greatest girl he's met in a really long time and he really wants to be with me. The only problem is he's leaving in a couple months and is afraid of long distance relationships! this sucks! haha
1. Yes.
2. No.
I've been in one and I had a chance at a second. My experiences with the first made me realize that the second was a HUGE mistake. Long distance relationships cannot work in the long term unless BOTH parties are so pathetic they cannot find anyone else.
No, I'm not being mean to anyone. This is just a simple fact of human nature. The girl in front of me will always be more appealing than the girl in Iowa. One is real, the other is a voice on a telephone.
The only possible exception is a relationship that was going strong for a while BEFORE the split. In which case the relationship will takea bout TWICE the length of the time you were together to fall apart.
So if you were together for 8 months then it would probably work long distance for 16 months.
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have any of you ever had one? are they worthwhile or not?
I met the man of my dreams. We both really like eachother. He says I'm the greatest girl he's met in a really long time and he really wants to be with me. The only problem is he's leaving in a couple months and is afraid of long distance relationships! this sucks! haha
1. Yes.
2. No.
I've been in one and I had a chance at a second. My experiences with the first made me realize that the second was a HUGE mistake. Long distance relationships cannot work in the long term unless BOTH parties are so pathetic they cannot find anyone else.
No, I'm not being mean to anyone. This is just a simple fact of human nature. The girl in front of me will always be more appealing than the girl in Iowa. One is real, the other is a voice on a telephone.
The only possible exception is a relationship that was going strong for a while BEFORE the split. In which case the relationship will takea bout TWICE the length of the time you were together to fall apart.
So if you were together for 8 months then it would probably work long distance for 16 months.
Yes. I would agree with all of this.
I too have been in a LDR. It doesn't work.
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LDR's are very difficult. You have to completely trust the person you are with, for one thing. I haven't had very good experiences with them myself :?. I wouldn't exactly suggest it, but it could work for some people *shrug* ... I can kind of see why he is leery about them, though.
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Long distance relationships cannot work in the long term unless BOTH parties are so pathetic they cannot find anyone else.
I take exception to that. I get hit on so much that it isn't even funny. Hell, I've been tempted once or twice by it. She has been too. Why do I stay with her when I could so easily get a girlfriend who lives closer to me? Simply because she's so different from everyone else I've ever dated. There is something special I have with her that I've never had before. Yeah, I really wanna be able to kiss and cuddle again. However, physical stuff isn't all there is to a relationship. There is something more that Mandi and I have that I've never felt before.
Yeah, I could go fishing for a girlfriend and find a reasonably attractive one in under a week. Would I want to? No. I wouldn't trade what I have for anything.
Oh yeah... it's been going on for 2.5 years.
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I agree with everybody here. It's hard because it's easy to say you're with the person but if you aren't really sharing experiences with the person it's like you're not together. Also, people will always be tempted by people around them and it's easier to get away with cheating if you're not around your significant other.
Anyway, knowing you Venti, you'll be over this guy soon enough. If you're meant to be with this guy somehow he'll find his way back and you'll be together.
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The guy in my life is seriously the most amazing guy who I have met. He's tall, gorgeous, athletic, musically talented, extremely smart, a perfect gentleman, caring, funny, a good cook, hard working, thoughtful, and the physical stuff we do (though not too much) is good. He's everything I want in a guy. He says i'm amazing and beautiful and the best girl he's met in a long time. He said that if we were in more of the same place in life, we'd be a great couple and he wishes that could happen. Unfortunately he's leaving in a couple months, so there's not real point in starting anything. We're going to continue dating, but not be serious. It's kinda scary knowing this guy is leaving me pretty soon, but i can handle it. I just cant take us too seriously and I can't fall for him. I'll see how it goes... and one day in the future if we're in the same place again, we can try a relationship. If not... he'll always be a good friend and I'm cool with that. But yeah... I really don't think a long distance is a good thing. I thought maybe it'd be worth a shot, but it would probably end up hurting what we have.
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Long distance relationships cannot work in the long term unless BOTH parties are so pathetic they cannot find anyone else.
I take exception to that. I get hit on so much that it isn't even funny. Hell, I've been tempted once or twice by it. She has been too. Why do I stay with her when I could so easily get a girlfriend who lives closer to me? Simply because she's so different from everyone else I've ever dated. There is something special I have with her that I've never had before. Yeah, I really wanna be able to kiss and cuddle again. However, physical stuff isn't all there is to a relationship. There is something more that Mandi and I have that I've never felt before.
Yeah, I could go fishing for a girlfriend and find a reasonably attractive one in under a week. Would I want to? No. I wouldn't trade what I have for anything.
Oh yeah... it's been going on for 2.5 years.
You couldn't get laid at an asian massage parlor. My dog gets hit on by more women, and he's neutered.
I think Pete gets more play than you.
Actually, I have no real opinion on your relationship with Mandi as I don't really know either of you. All I can say is that there are 2 options.
1) You are incapable of divorcing yourself from your feelings enough to properly assess the situation or
2) You are an exception to human nature.
And exceptions DO happen. But frankly, I'm not taking a 90% chance of failure and having my ego stomped on when she cheats on me for a 10% chance of it working. And anyone who DOES take those odds....well, probably works in the music industry.
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Long distance relationships cannot work in the long term unless BOTH parties are so pathetic they cannot find anyone else.
I take exception to that. I get hit on so much that it isn't even funny. Hell, I've been tempted once or twice by it. She has been too. Why do I stay with her when I could so easily get a girlfriend who lives closer to me? Simply because she's so different from everyone else I've ever dated. There is something special I have with her that I've never had before. Yeah, I really wanna be able to kiss and cuddle again. However, physical stuff isn't all there is to a relationship. There is something more that Mandi and I have that I've never felt before.
Yeah, I could go fishing for a girlfriend and find a reasonably attractive one in under a week. Would I want to? No. I wouldn't trade what I have for anything.
Oh yeah... it's been going on for 2.5 years.
You couldn't get laid at an asian massage parlor. My dog gets hit on by more women, and he's neutered.
I think Pete gets more play than you.
Actually, I have no real opinion on your relationship with Mandi as I don't really know either of you. All I can say is that there are 2 options.
1) You are incapable of divorcing yourself from your feelings enough to properly assess the situation or
2) You are an exception to human nature.
And exceptions DO happen. But frankly, I'm not taking a 90% chance of failure and having my ego stomped on when she cheats on me for a 10% chance of it working. And anyone who DOES take those odds....well, probably works in the music industry.
Besides being that age long distance relationships have a totally different dynamic. You've been "together" for 2.5 years (1/6 of your lives) which may seem long especially at your age but it's much easier to have an unrealistic image of the other person with that distance so that helps to propel your confidence in the strength of your relationship. It's harder to get repulsed by the other person if you're hardly ever in each others' presence.
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Long distance relationships cannot work in the long term unless BOTH parties are so pathetic they cannot find anyone else.
I take exception to that. I get hit on so much that it isn't even funny. Hell, I've been tempted once or twice by it. She has been too. Why do I stay with her when I could so easily get a girlfriend who lives closer to me? Simply because she's so different from everyone else I've ever dated. There is something special I have with her that I've never had before. Yeah, I really wanna be able to kiss and cuddle again. However, physical stuff isn't all there is to a relationship. There is something more that Mandi and I have that I've never felt before.
Yeah, I could go fishing for a girlfriend and find a reasonably attractive one in under a week. Would I want to? No. I wouldn't trade what I have for anything.
Oh yeah... it's been going on for 2.5 years.
You couldn't get laid at an asian massage parlor. My dog gets hit on by more women, and he's neutered.
I think Pete gets more play than you.
Actually, I have no real opinion on your relationship with Mandi as I don't really know either of you. All I can say is that there are 2 options.
1) You are incapable of divorcing yourself from your feelings enough to properly assess the situation or
2) You are an exception to human nature.
And exceptions DO happen. But frankly, I'm not taking a 90% chance of failure and having my ego stomped on when she cheats on me for a 10% chance of it working. And anyone who DOES take those odds....well, probably works in the music industry.
First off there is no way we would cheat on each other, i trust her and she trusts me
Second off i see her once a month for usually 4 days
Thirdly i spent years in horrible relationships, im just not easy to get along with, I never planned on being with Noelle, we just talked so much and i realized she is someone i would really like to be with
Fourth i know plenty of girls, And they arent ugly or losers, they just could never be as good to me or as enjoyable for me to hang out with as Noelle is/has been
fifth.... i get more play than you, andrew
:razz:
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A maintained a relationship with one of my ex's while she was in Korea visiting family, she was there for a pretty long while and everyone told us it'd fall apart while she was there and they were wrong; it fell apart when she came back :wink:
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If its ment to; it will last. You just have to try harder if you really want it.
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How far away is he moving?
The guys have a great take on this. I agree with them.
I would have to say as Steve pointed out, you are very young and there will be so many more men in your life (you may not think so now) but there are. You also have to remember that people change. You have changed so much in the few years I have known you. (nothing bad)
If you are going to try this you have to be very secure in your relationship and with yourself for this work. What do you want? You have to ask if emails, phone calls, IM's and occasional visits are going to suffice. You can't get upset if that phone call doesn't come. And he can't either, he has to trust you. I know you always out and about.
It's hard but it works for some people. I just think that you are too young and there is so much out there you want, to have the stress of a LDR.
Someone once told me kinda as Katie pointed out if you let something go and it comes back, it was yours to keep.
Good luck. If you need anything, you know the number.
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He's not even sure exactly where he's going yet... but he plans on traveling FAR away for 1-3 years before grad school. And then the 2 grad schools he's choosing between are either 1-2 hours, or across the country from me (too bad he can't choose the same grad school Tricia did :wink: ).
But yeah... basically he's probably going to be out of the country for potentially 3 years. It's not really worthwhile to start anything in the next couple months, just knowing he's going to leave. It's just frustrating because he's like my dream guy and i could totally see us in a great relationship, and he can too. but we're just at different spots in our lives.
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Pete is sweet *hughug*
If you think long distance relationships CAN'T work at all, then that's just your own opinion... but everyone is different.
And it's not that I couldn't find anyone else (I'm a girl at a college with lots of perverted boys), it's just that I don't want to. I'm not desperate. I didn't decide to meet and date Pete bc I was so desperate and in need of a boyfriend. I wasn't even looking for a boyfriend, I just ended up really liking him to the point where I wanted to meet him in person; and the rest is history :)
Holly, if you think this guy is the most amazing guy you've ever met, if you feel like you will regret not trying anything, then I say try it because I think the worst things to regret are things you never tried... because you will always wonder.
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edit: I didnt' read your last post. Well if you've both discussed it and think it's not the right time in your lives to be starting anything, maybe just make an effort to keep in touch and don't just throw it by the wayside. Maybe in a few years you guys can try!
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uh yeah, i should probably read everything people say before I comment and just reiterate what they've already decided upon. Wooo, Noelle. 8)
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Long distance relationships cannot work in the long term unless BOTH parties are so pathetic they cannot find anyone else.
I take exception to that. I get hit on so much that it isn't even funny. Hell, I've been tempted once or twice by it. She has been too. Why do I stay with her when I could so easily get a girlfriend who lives closer to me? Simply because she's so different from everyone else I've ever dated. There is something special I have with her that I've never had before. Yeah, I really wanna be able to kiss and cuddle again. However, physical stuff isn't all there is to a relationship. There is something more that Mandi and I have that I've never felt before.
Yeah, I could go fishing for a girlfriend and find a reasonably attractive one in under a week. Would I want to? No. I wouldn't trade what I have for anything.
Oh yeah... it's been going on for 2.5 years.
You couldn't get laid at an asian massage parlor. My dog gets hit on by more women, and he's neutered.
I think Pete gets more play than you.
Actually, I have no real opinion on your relationship with Mandi as I don't really know either of you. All I can say is that there are 2 options.
1) You are incapable of divorcing yourself from your feelings enough to properly assess the situation or
2) You are an exception to human nature.
And exceptions DO happen. But frankly, I'm not taking a 90% chance of failure and having my ego stomped on when she cheats on me for a 10% chance of it working. And anyone who DOES take those odds....well, probably works in the music industry.
First off there is no way we would cheat on each other, i trust her and she trusts me
Second off i see her once a month for usually 4 days
Thirdly i spent years in horrible relationships, im just not easy to get along with, I never planned on being with Noelle, we just talked so much and i realized she is someone i would really like to be with
Fourth i know plenty of girls, And they arent ugly or losers, they just could never be as good to me or as enjoyable for me to hang out with as Noelle is/has been
fifth.... i get more play than you, andrew
:razz:
1) Trust means dick. Wives and husbands cheat ALL the time. I recently found out some of the most happily married people I know cheated at some point. It's kinda disturbing.
2) I admited there were exceptions. But they don't invalidate the rule.
3) Meh. Define more. I bet I get a larger variety :D
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Well if thats how you feel about trust i feel bad for the woman who someday puts her trust in you. I can say with 100% confidence that neither of us will cheat.
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Well if thats how you feel about trust i feel bad for the woman who someday puts her trust in you. I can say with 100% confidence that neither of us will cheat.
you can't even say with a 100% confidence that you'll be here tomorrow I don't know how you can have 100% confidence in another person's actions. I guess ignorance is bliss.
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haha, it's ok Noelle!
yeah... we're definitely going to keep in touch, and if we find our selves in the same place, or nearby in the future and we're both single, maybe we'll try something! but regardless, i see him as always being a close friend.
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Well if thats how you feel about trust i feel bad for the woman who someday puts her trust in you. I can say with 100% confidence that neither of us will cheat.
No you can't.
Pete, you desperatly need to learn a lesson in both statistics and human nature.
Nothing is impossible. Everything has a small % chance of occuring.
There is an extremely small % chance that I will spontaneously generate complete omniscience in 5 minutes.
You can be 100% certian of only ONE thing. The existince of your own self. Nothing else is certain.
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My mom and dad were married for 26 years. Then he cheated.
This man was 43, had a family, a nice house, and a nice job. He bought a fucking hooker on a street corner, and then had two girlfriends spread out over a year.
Keep thinking that the person will never cheat on you, and you can trust them until the bitter end.
Just prepare to be burned.
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steveau having optimism isnt ignorance. Also the fact that i cant 100% say i will be on this earth tommorrow is something that i cannot control. However cheating is something i can control. So your statement is relatively weak
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Im deleting these because i have nothing to prove to people in the internet. None of you know anything about Noelle or me. Ill just say we both have very strong morals and are way more unlikely to cheat than your average person.
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now this is some interesting convo.
i have no experience in a long distance relationship, but i'd say it's atleast worth a shot.
it seems that some people have had horrible experiences with it (i.e. andrew) and some good (i.e. the man, the myth, the legend Pete)
you never know for yourself unless you try it out.
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now this is some interesting convo.
i have no experience in a long distance relationship, but i'd say it's atleast worth a shot.
it seems that some people have had horrible experiences with it (i.e. andrew) and some good (i.e. the man, the myth, the legend Pete)
you never know for yourself unless you try it out.
This is another case. I know the type of person Brian is. I dont know his gf well anough to say anything about her. I just know he is the type of person that would never cheat on his gf. Some people have strong morals and you can tell. Just because there is a possibility that everyone will cheat somehow or another doesnt mean i should prepare to be burned or im ignorant for having 100% optimism about my current relationship.
And for the record since i was too pissed to make it clear; 100% confidence isnt a 100% guarantee, It just means i feel i know her morals and i trust her enough to say that in this case its not going to happen and ill take that shit right to the grave. If it does im not going to be the one who cheats and i have never cheated or even felt the desire. Its just the way i am.
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I just woke up so I'm not that articulate right now, but sometimes in life it's best to just believe in something rather doubt everything. It brings some stability. But aside from that, Pete is right. I won't ever cheat. Unless some guys fell on top of me on accident and his lips knocked into me (which would probably leave me toothless), I would never purposely cheat- and that isn't even cheating, that's just an unfortunate accident! If I felt the urge to I would just end my current relationship before it became a problem, but I honestly never see that happening. I only trust and really enjoy myself around people I know extremely well and I would never get to know a guy better than Pete because there is no reason to do that, thus I would never even have the chance to develop the urge to cheat. I am not the kind of person who picks up and drops people. I make friends a few friends for life and that's just how I am... you shouldn't doubt Pete so much. I can vouch he is correct.
I love you Pete, don't let them bother you!!
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now this is some interesting convo.
i have no experience in a long distance relationship, but i'd say it's atleast worth a shot.
it seems that some people have had horrible experiences with it (i.e. andrew) and some good (i.e. the man, the myth, the legend Pete)
you never know for yourself unless you try it out.
This is another case. I know the type of person Brian is. I dont know his gf well anough to say anything about her. I just know he is the type of person that would never cheat on his gf. Some people have strong morals and you can tell. Just because there is a possibility that everyone will cheat somehow or another doesnt mean i should prepare to be burned or im ignorant for having 100% optimism about my current relationship.
And for the record since i was too pissed to make it clear; 100% confidence isnt a 100% guarantee, It just means i feel i know her morals and i trust her enough to say that in this case its not going to happen and ill take that shit right to the grave. If it does im not going to be the one who cheats and i have never cheated or even felt the desire. Its just the way i am.
you are correct sir... :D
liz and i have been together for along time now (of course it's diff. b/c we're not in a long distance relationship) but I know that she'd never cheat on me and i'd never cheat on her. that's just the way it is and the way we are.
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steveau having optimism isnt ignorance. Also the fact that i cant 100% say i will be on this earth tommorrow is something that i cannot control. However cheating is something i can control. So your statement is relatively weak
thinking anything is 100% is not optimism, it's delusional.
Can you say you'll never commit suicide not knowing if someday you might experience the kind of pain that might make you rather die? I know I don't believe in suicide but I can't say 100% that I wouldn't do it because I can imagine a point where it could be a possibility. It's just being realistic.
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steveau having optimism isnt ignorance. Also the fact that i cant 100% say i will be on this earth tommorrow is something that i cannot control. However cheating is something i can control. So your statement is relatively weak
thinking anything is 100% is not optimism, it's delusional.
Can you say you'll never commit suicide not knowing if someday you might experience the kind of pain that might make you rather die? I know I don't believe in suicide but I can't say 100% that I wouldn't do it because I can imagine a point where it could be a possibility. It's just being realistic.
Thats rather weak in my opinion. I have goals and giving up on life no matter how bad it gets is a promise i will never reach any goal.
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steveau having optimism isnt ignorance. Also the fact that i cant 100% say i will be on this earth tommorrow is something that i cannot control. However cheating is something i can control. So your statement is relatively weak
thinking anything is 100% is not optimism, it's delusional.
Can you say you'll never commit suicide not knowing if someday you might experience the kind of pain that might make you rather die? I know I don't believe in suicide but I can't say 100% that I wouldn't do it because I can imagine a point where it could be a possibility. It's just being realistic.
Thats rather weak in my opinion. I have goals and giving up on life no matter how bad it gets is a promise i will never reach any goal.
Weak? How so?
Don't get me wrong, Pete. I am sure you firmly believe that you and Noelle are SIGNIFICANTLY less likely to cheat than the average couple. And frankly, I'd be inclined to believe you.
But no matter how confident you are, you must acknowledge there is a small % chance of it occuring.
That's all I am saying. When I go to sleep every night, I accept that there is a small % chance I will wake up in the morning and feel murderous rage and run out and kill someone. Why? Because even though the odds are TINY, it's still possible.
I can't stand here and say "I would never murder anyone..." because I just don't KNOW.
You never know till you're there.
That's all anyone is saying. And having "faith" in something is different from acknowledging the reality of it. I have faith that the sun will come up tommorow, and I base my life around this assumption, even though I know there is a small % chance the sun won't.
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And then pigs will fly. As much as it can be declared possible it can also be ruled out based on knowledge of occurrence, and understanding of situation.
And suicide=weak i dont care how depressed you are.
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And then pigs will fly. As much as it can be declared possible it can also be ruled out based on knowledge of occurrence, and understanding of situation.
And suicide=weak i dont care how depressed you are.
No. It cannot be ruled out. It can be declared implaussible, or unlikely, but NEVER ruled out.
And, just as an FYI. I know every bit of a half-a-dozen people who have given me the exact same speech you are giving me RIGHT NOW and then later gone on to do whatever it was they swore they would never ever do.
Obv, this doesn't mean you WILL. It just means that PEOPLE don't ever know what they are capable of before they are presented with the situation.
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And then pigs will fly. As much as it can be declared possible it can also be ruled out based on knowledge of occurrence, and understanding of situation.
And suicide=weak i dont care how depressed you are.
have you ever heard of cancer? Some forms are extremely painful and if you have never experienced that kind of pain, how can you say you couldn't consider it. I can tell you for a fact I've experienced some serious pain (probably more than you ever will) but not even close to these cancers. I had a friend whose mom had cancer and she effectively killed herself by OD'ing on the morphine drip she was attached to. I'm sure she never considered suicide when she was healthy.
btw, nobody sits around planning on cheating on the other person unless they're a totally uncaring idiot. It just somehow happens. Even you don't know what it would take to get you to cheat but there might be a point at which you would but to totally dismiss it as a possibility means you're not living in reality. No matter how minute the possibility you have to admit there is one or else you're in serious denial. I know it probably isn't the politically correct thing to do while you girlfriend is on the board too but I'm sure she would trust you still if you admitted a minute chance of it.
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When i was in college and my old gf lived at home still i used to party with tons of girls and get drunk and i had plenty of chances to cheat. I never did. I just have more will power than that. Im not a cheater, and ill admit its technically possible but its just something i wouldnt do, in the same way i will never smoke crack. I would have to be forced against my will using extreme measures
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When I grow up I wanna be an editor...... just thought I'd share..... :lol: