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Other Topics => Creative Endeavors => Topic started by: Gina on April 09, 2003, 12:37:29 pm

Title: miss my friend
Post by: Gina on April 09, 2003, 12:37:29 pm

Left without you at my side
A friend whom i cherished so deeply
I hurt you without knowing I had
And things will never be the same
All the apologies in the world
Will never seem to make things right
But I will say this for one last time
Hoping that you always know its true
I need you in my life, as my friend
And I never meant to hurt you



yeah i know thats really bad, idc if it rhymes idc if its bad.... just needed to get all that out... that was just like spur of the moment

Title: miss my friend
Post by: LimeTwister on April 09, 2003, 12:43:05 pm

poems don't have to rhyme (look up free-verse)

and it is good, its simple, and how you feel/felt.

Title: miss my friend
Post by: Gina on April 09, 2003, 12:44:11 pm

hehe joey i know what free verse is :D

Title: miss my friend
Post by: LimeTwister on April 09, 2003, 12:53:41 pm

well i am the only one that can say their work is bad lol, its my obligation...and yours is good!

Title: miss my friend
Post by: Gina on April 09, 2003, 12:54:55 pm

urs is always so good :D  i dont write... it was just kinda to vent i guess

Title: miss my friend
Post by: LostDwarf on April 09, 2003, 01:13:38 pm

interesting

Title: miss my friend
Post by: David Hart on April 09, 2003, 01:30:54 pm

It's nice...only constructive critizism I would like to give is to work on punctuation, When you read a poem, generally if you want to pause at the end of the line there will be a comma or a period, otherwise you would read the poem through as a continuous verse; having said this, your work will be much more coherrant once you add punctuation and pauses! well done! I like what you are able to achieve at such a young age!
DAVID

Title: miss my friend
Post by: Logikal X on April 09, 2003, 01:37:33 pm

about the pause thing, i was writing with ed hogenmiller for a while and he always loved that i never used punctuation or pauses in my writings, so they arent necessary by any means,  i prefer without letting only the words do your work.  (just an opinion and a little story behind it not a diss to david)

Title: miss my friend
Post by: David Hart on April 09, 2003, 01:43:05 pm

very true pete, a poem without puctuation will read straight through without a pause or break from line to line. I just thought that this was not the intention of the above poem...no offense taken :wink:

Title: miss my friend
Post by: Gina on April 09, 2003, 02:13:02 pm

thanks guys... i wrote it within a matter of about 3 or 4 minutes not really thinking about nething like that, just wanted to let out some feelings.. but if i were to sit down and take time to write something a little better- i'll definately take that punctuation thing into consideration.  :D  but i appreciate the constructive criticism lots

Title: miss my friend
Post by: Jophess on April 09, 2003, 02:18:50 pm

Quote from: "NYnessaholicGina"

thanks guys... i wrote it within a matter of about 3 or 4 minutes not really thinking about nething like that, just wanted to let out some feelings.. but if i were to sit down and take time to write something a little better- i'll definately take that punctuation thing into consideration.  :D  but i appreciate the constructive criticism lots

That's good for 3-4 minutes!