Topics

31

Completely Off-Topic / MAN SCHOOLING

« on: September 05, 2003, 05:15:35 am »

Got this in a FWD: email from my sister... I thought it was pretty funny.

RALPH STUDY
KG8RL



Man Schooling:

For those of you who are married, were married, or are contemplating marriage - under the assumption that men need (or ought) to be trained for marriage. Southwest Tech is offering a new 2 year associates degree....

TWO YEAR DEGREE: Becoming a Real Man. That's right, in just six mini-semesters, you, too, can be a real man as well as earn an associates degree in MA (Male Arts). Please take a moment to look over the program outline.

FIRST YEAR
Autumn Schedule:

MEN 101 Combating Stupidity
MEN 102 You, Too, Can Do Housework
MEN 103 PMS-Learn When to Keep Your Mouth Shut
MEN 104 We Do Not Want Sleazy Underwear for Christmas

Winter Schedule:

MEN 110 Wonderful Laundry Techniques
MEN 111 Understanding the Female Response to Getting in at 2 AM
MEN 112 Parenting: It Doesn't End with Conception
EAT 100 Get a Life, Learn to Cook
EAT 101 Get a Life, Learn to Cook II
ECON 001A What's Hers is Hers

Spring Schedule:

MEN 120 How NOT to Act Like a Buttface When You're Wrong
MEN 121 Understanding Your Incompetence
MEN 122 YOU, the Weaker Sex
MEN 123 Reasons to Give Flowers
ECON 001C What Was Yours is Hers

SECOND YEAR
Autumn Schedule:

SEX 101 You CAN Fall Asleep without It
SEX 102 Morning Dilemma: If It's Awake, Take a Shower
SEX 103 How to Stay Awake After Sex
MEN 201 How to Put the Toilet Seat Down

Elective (See Electives Below)

Winter Schedule:

MEN 210 The Remote Control: Overcoming Your Dependency
MEN 211 How to Not Act Younger than Your Children
MEN 212 You, Too, Can Be a Designated Driver
MEN 213 Honest, You Don't Look Like Tom Cruise
MEN 230A Her Birthdays and Anniversaries Are Important

Spring Schedule:

MEN 220 Omitting %&*! from Your Vocabulary (Pass/Fail Only)
MEN 221 Fluffing the Blanket After Farting Is Not Necessary
MEN 222 Real Men Ask for Directions
MEN 223 Thirty Minutes of Begging is NOT Considered Foreplay
MEN 230B Her Birthdays and Anniversaries Are Important 2

Course Electives:

EAT 101 Cooking with Tofu
EAT 102 Utilization of Eating Utensils
EAT 103 Burping and Belching Discreetly
MEN 231 Mothers-in-law
MEN 232 Appear to Be Listening
MEN 233 Just Say "Yes, Dear"
ECON 001C Cheaper to Keep Her

Just a thought for all the women out there...- MENtal illness, MENstrual cramps, MENtal  breakdown, MENopause, GUYnocologist (poetic spelling). Ever notice how all of women's problems start with men? Send this to all of the women you know (and men with a sense of humor) and brighten their day!!!...and when we have real trouble, it's a HISterectomy.

 :lol:

32

Completely Off-Topic / What is that dull mans name!?!

« on: September 03, 2003, 11:54:16 am »

I need to know... But I keep thinking Bill Gates and I KNOW thats not right...

The dry eyes guy... he's got his own show, like win "his" money... ahhhh

33

Completely Off-Topic / My VoiceMail Message:

« on: August 31, 2003, 02:51:42 pm »

Now I lay me down to sleep; Leave a message at the beep. If I should die before I wake, remember to erase the tape.


Ha ha... anyone else ever have fun with their recordings on their voicemail/answering machine??

34

Completely Off-Topic / Talking Online to Yourself... yes this is wicked. :)

« on: August 31, 2003, 02:05:27 pm »

http://www.talkingonline.com/

BWAH ha ha ha!!!!!

35

Creative Endeavors / I Can (all new audio AND lyrics)

« on: August 30, 2003, 07:57:35 pm »

:cD

http://www.angelfire.lycos.com/oh5/mallory0/ican.wav

There ya go Joey! I just wrote this today! It oughta make up for the vocals you weren't so thrilled about last time. ;c)

36

Completely Off-Topic / Please Visit My Website! ;c)

« on: August 30, 2003, 11:47:02 am »

I'll post the link in a second, but first I was wondering how to hot link it... uhm Meaning insteada showing the actual link itself how do I post just a word that would lead to it?? I've seen Cece and Si do it in their posts before, as well as a lotta people in their sigs... can somehow tell me how its done?

37

Completely Off-Topic / Absolutely worth clicking on!! HA HA

« on: August 27, 2003, 05:55:57 pm »

Okay. As you may or may not know, I am a BIG dog fan. And yes, I love dogs, but I mean a BIG DOG fan. The bigger the dog the better IMO. I want to get a Great Dane sometime in my life... as you can see, one that looks JUST like this one.... So majestic and powerful...



But...

...................

............................

...................................

I'll be sure to remember not to take pictures from the behind. (LOL)


BWAH HA HA HA!!!!!

38

Creative Endeavors / BEAN

« on: August 26, 2003, 01:19:23 pm »

When I think about you, I remember the smile you somehow wore, unbelievably, to visitors. And the adorable way you'd tip your head to the side when I'd say your favorite things. When I think about you I think about jokes and laughs that lasted long. When I think about you I think of a good friend who was always there and kept my secrets from the rest of the world when there was no one else to trust anywhere. But when I think about you, a knot forms in my throat and tears sting my eyes with their presence. I tried to keep you and to hold on to you, but they ripped you away so savagely. I tired with all my might to stop them from hurting you but I failed. "She'll go peacefully," is what I kept hearing and at first they weren't going to let me stay with you. They said I couldn't handle it and maybe they were right, but I owed it to you for being so good to me. For a moment the people in white took you behind a door and I was scared about what they were doing to you while I wasn't watching. But they brought you back, even though it was a bittersweet return because in only minutes they were going to take you away from me forever. They said everthing would be okay, that you wouldn't feel a thing. "Peacefully," I heard again... But you were scared, ultimately terrified, and I tried to calm you but it wasn't working... I'm sorry. She put that needle in you and you didn't cry but I saw as your eyes flickered. You knew as well as I did what was going on and how you didn't deserve it. She pushed this fluid into you, and thats when your body flinched. I could barely touch you because they were hovered over you and trying to keep you still. I wanted you to get away... I knew that wouldn't happen though, so I just touched your nose. You took a really deep breath and let it out loudly. Something was really wrong because you couldn't move more then your head and your eyes shifted back and forth while everyone just stood and waited for you to go as you layed motionless on that cold table... Except you kept breathing... I knew you were trying hard to keep living... like you deserved, remember? You started heaving and struggling for air as your lungs started to shut down. But something was still so wrong and you hurt. Inside it was hurting you. So-called "peace" wasn't there for you becase you weren't gone yet... even after minutes had gone by, minutes that felt like hours to me... I can't even imagine what those few minutes felt like to you... Your mouth started to get watery as your body slowly, too slowly, shut itself down some more. The first lady in white left and came back with another shot. She stuck it in you but this time you didn't flich or flick your eyes... Probably because you couldn't, but I think you felt it still. Your breathing was still labored and your eyes had long since glazed over. The lady in white started asking me questions about you, if you had been sick, if I knew any reason that the drug wasn't taking its full affect on you. But you never had been and they were hurting you so badly... I cried and bawled as I kept touching your face while we all waited for you to be gone already... Finally, your glazed brown eyes had started to shut and your breath had begun to stop. You slowly huffed two last times as the people in white backed off and listened to your heart. "Now she's gone," they told me. I didn't believe them yet, so they stood there a second or so longer. Then they walked away. "Take as long as you want," they said as they left. I sobbed and ran my hand down your body one last time and I was shocked that you felt the same still. Your body was still warm and your fur was still soft... but you weren't moving and you didn't respond to my touch. I walked towards the door to leave you behind and I keptcrying because I felt lost and terrible for what I had just let happen to you. Dad asked me why I was ready so soon as if he expected me to keep looking at your lifeless body, seeiming so alive but not, as it layed heavily on the small, cold, stainless-steel table. I said to him as I shuffled my feet away, "Whats to stay for? She can't feel anymore. She's gone..." I dropped my head to look at your collar which I held tightly in my hands, trying to focus on it through the tears in my eyes... Those same tears I wipe away RIGHT NOW... And when I think of you I think of this and I don't nkow why it hurts so bad still, almost a whole year after your gone... But somehow you must've had such an impact on my life so that I miss you more everyday. I love you more everyday, also.

39

Creative Endeavors / Portrait of Perfection(audio now included)

« on: August 25, 2003, 11:51:33 am »

I woke up to the sun today
Finding the glow of its orange rays
As it streamed across the room this morn
And touched me on my face

I saw a picture painted gold
As the room it lit up from outside
When the beauty of it stuck me
And washed over me like the tide

Portrait of perfection
Great in every way
I wonder if somehow
This is God's way to start my day
So beautifully entrancing
And filled with everything

The colors swirled and danced about
In a room so right and small
My breath was caught inside my throat
As I stood gazing from the hall

Tears swelled in my eyes as I looked about
At a thousand words only I knew
Its then that I realized something missing so vital...
It was me and you

But throughout all of its beauty
Wrapped up in all its shine
Was the grand thought of how someday
This all will be yours and mine

Portrait of perfection
Great in everyway
I wonder if someway
This is God's way to start my day
So beautifully entrancing
And filled with everything


Feed back please. Whaddya think of it?

POST IF YOUR READ IT PLEASE!?? hahaha

40

Completely Off-Topic / oh phooey

« on: August 22, 2003, 11:46:56 am »

Dang it ... the rest of my new sig won't fit. pisser
....

Everyone's their own prisoner
Driven by the will to survive
Caged inside four plain cement walls
Until their artwork spills up from inside
But its up to you what picture you'll paint
What brush or texture you'll use
But dig inside, feel it and soon
Your four plain walls you'll subdue.

Piece ah poop 255 character limit!

41

Creative Endeavors / The better one--------hahaha

« on: August 20, 2003, 04:41:20 pm »

When the dreams of tomorrow
Turn into yesterday's wishes
And the hope you held high
Is gone

When your mind took flight
Then ended up crashing
And your goal you set to reach
You didn't

Its times like this
When it all fades away
Its times like this
That I fall apart
Its times like this
Where I shrink down to size
When I bury my head in my hands
And cry

When everything was perfect
Just working so well
Everything felt right but
It wasn't

When my head was up high
All my steps took with pride
It all seemed so good
Now its not

Its times like this
When it all fades away
Its times like this
That I fall apart
And its times like this
Where I shrink down to size
When I bury my head in my hands
And cry

I just try
To remember
All the days
That went okay
I just try
To forget
All the days
Such as this
I'll just try
To keep on living

But its times like this
When it all fades away
Its times like this
That I fall apart
And its times like this
Where I shrink down to size
When I bury my head in my hands
And cry

But I'll keep on
I will try
To remember
All the days
That went okay

Yes its times like that
Its times like this
No its times like that
Just times
Times like that

42

Creative Endeavors / Would you do this?

« on: August 20, 2003, 04:39:28 pm »

hee hee

Turn off the sun
Crawl back in bed
Stay with me
Sleep the day away
And let the world
Carry on as usual

I just want to be with you

Flick the switch
Or pull the plug
Put Do Not Disturb
On our door
Hide with me while
Life rushes on outside

I just want to be with you
Let me breathe you in
And soak you up
Let me dream in your arms
Let me hold you tight
And lift you up
Let me keep you

Don't answer that ring
Or the knock on the door
Hush and they'll
Leave us alone
I want to be yours
And I want you as mine so

I just want to be with you
Can't I just be with you

43

Completely Off-Topic / POOP!

« on: August 20, 2003, 06:49:35 am »

I know this little boy named Mark and his parents were trying to make him learn what poop was really called or whatever... so they told him what to say when he hadda go "#2". Well it was all quiet and there were tonsa people around, and this little guy goes up to his mom, tugs on her dress, and goes, "Moom! I have to make a bowel movement!! C'MOOONN"

HA HA HA... That makes me laugh to this day, and it was years ago.

44

Completely Off-Topic / Do yourself a grand favor...

« on: August 18, 2003, 07:36:35 pm »

and me too, and also them:

click here now:
http://www.symbiotic.ws

You won't be disappointed... also, check out the url in my sig.

you already have one thread on this subject, keep it to that. -Vulturemod
http://forums.nessaholics.com/viewtopic.php?t=3260

45

Other Musicians / Symbiotic

« on: August 18, 2003, 07:33:42 pm »

New band, help them get up there with support, they have an awesome website, and I've talked to the bass player Cory personally via email, back and forth. He's super nice!

On the site is downloads of some of their songs... and as a quote from Cory himself:

".......ya know if you sign up for the street team.....you get a free t-shirt and stickers.....and an album....hmmmmmm something to think about.......and email me when ever you like......."

So SIGN UP!! I suggested to them in their guestbook that they see about a message board, since I know that usually is a good gathering spot of fans, and I think it would do them some good! Anyways, I'm loving what I hear, so please please please check them out, and make a reply to them, give them some feedback!


THE LINK TO GET TO THEIR WEBSITE:
http://www.symbiotic.ws

Go go go!!!
A definate ear pleaser!!!