Tia put me on to this story in her thread x-ray vision.
I was bored, so I decided to play around.
Scientists in Russia are baffled by a girl who apparently has X-ray vision and can see inside human bodies.
Reports say 16-year-old Natalia Demkina has been tested by doctors at the children's hospital in Saransk and they can't explain her strange talent.
Natalia, who can describe the inside of bodies in detail, said she was pleased the doctors didn't think she was lying.
But she claims to be worried "that they might be hiding something from me about why I can see through objects".
Spooky talent!
Natalia's apparent spooky talent has caught the imagination of the Russian public.
Her mother, Tatiana Vladimirovna, said: "I knew she was a talented girl. When she started to claim she sees through things, that worried me."
Seriously, when I read that I lost it.
It’s good to know that Russian doctors have so much time to spend checking girls for superpowers. How did the test work anyway? This is how I think the test went:
Doctor 1: Ok Natalia, or as we doctors like to call you when you aren’t around, Transpero-girl, what part of the body am I pointing to now?
Natalia/Transpero-girl: The heart?
Doctor: EHHHH. Wrong. That’s the Aortas Vasculis Magoris you dopy bitch.
Natalia/Dopy bitch: You know I can see through stuff right? Are you wearing an “I love Monster truckin’ and giving my cousin interfamily lovin'” T-shirt under that lab coat?
Doctor: Of course not, I……Damn those super powers! Tell anyone bitch, and I’m gonna give you 10cc’s of ass whipping STAT!
Also, what the fuck does she mean by saying that the doctors are hiding the reason she can see through objects from her? Paranoid much? Maybe she thinks that the doctors are going to work out the secret of her powers and use it for evil?
The reason that this report is most likely a hoax is the fact that along with this story, there are no other reports of ninja crime being foiled by a masked female avenger. Obviously if you have superpowers, you are going to go out and punch evil in the face. It’s like in the constitution or something.
The report goes on to say:
"Casual observer and internet personality Wagella said "Well the X-ray vision didn't bother me as it seemed to her mother, but when she bench pressed the truck I started to get a little nervous."
He went on to add "By the time the heat ray eyes started, I was already down the block teaming up with Captain Doom and Destructo-man to plot her downfall."
He then mused "Hmm, where the hell did I stick all my Kryptonite?"
Anyway, thanks Tia for giving me something to laugh at. And to all you wannabe superheroes out there, you are just one radioactive explosion or Cosmic Meteor strike away from donning lycra tights and kicking villainy in the balls. Keep Dreaming!
Wagella out.
