When in War

[me and my piano---tim]

EDIT: Thanks for the positive feedback! But I got bored again at work yesterday and changed the lyrics up a bit. I'm actually really pleased with them now! ...  but watch, now you'll all think they suck! haha ... Oh and I actually recorded my voice to these lyrics last night (I had to be quiet so I wouldn't wake anybody up). Thought it'd be cool if you had an idea what the melody sounded like, and how that might affect your opinion of the song. Thanks for the input, everybody!

http://www.myspace.com/timothyheyer

When in war
It's hard to be myself
When red is bled
Bombs white the night
But blue is all I've felt
The city
Is sleeping
Then the rain disrupts our spell

Where do our dreams go?
You're crying from my window
See me running down that street
One more mile, I'll be free,
Or so I keep telling me
Why do we leave our dreams behind?
We're all out of our minds.

http://www.myspace.com/timothyheyer

---Original Post:

Yea, so I was just bored at work again, writing a melody. Was in a pretty good mood, but a really morose song came to me. All I have is the first verse and chorus, cuz I don't think it's worth developing into a whole song. But tell me what you think!

When in war
It's hard to be myself
It's hard to be
Just who I am
When everybody else
Is cryin
And dyin
We're tipping off the shelf

Where'd the beauty go?
You're crying from my window.
Watch me run this street.
One more corner, I'll be free,
Or so I keep telling me.
Why do we leave our worlds behind?
We're all out of our minds.

[SadAsBlue]

I like it. Finish it pleeeeeease.

[feishien]

Ooh I really like it.
I can sort of feel a rhythm when I read it...if that makes sense?

[iluvvanessa]

great! i like it! war is bad1  

[me and my piano---tim]

I edited the original post!

[SadAsBlue]

I love it!

[Morgan]

I really like the melody, I can't wait until you write the music.

[VanessaCarltonMania]

the second change is way better than the original!!!
GREAT WORK!