The Voice Within Me

[iluvvanessa]

it has song potential in my opinion....ur a great writer, i might change the word hate, its a strong word, just saying. it's great tho....id love to see more of your poetry if you have some it was really good

[heyheyitsaiste]

I remember I wrote a song a long time ago but I didn't really like it, but most of ppl thought it was quite good to be my first one, I had tons of good ideas for them, but I just gave up! Don't do the same and keep trying!

mmhmm well everyone seems to think that its a song...its a poem
than tyler200 said that there was no rhyme to it, I never said it had rhyme, I did not want rhyme, not every poem had to rhyme.

I agree that poems/lyrics don't have to rhyme.  However, they do need a sort of cohesiveness that is missing from your poem.

I think what you have is a good, bare-bones inspiration for a poem.  What it lacks is the evocativeness and an ability to convey the mood to an audience, you know?
If you hone your creativity, you could definitely write something fantastic, I'm sure.

I'm not saying that I'm the ideal lyricist or that I'm great.  Hell, I don't even think I'm that good at all, but I think the tips I gave could really help you out...I hope so anyway.

Agreed.

I read "How to Read a Poem" by William Raffel? I dont think his first names William but I didnt really didn't enjoy the book. However, I did learrrrn something! There's a lot more to a poem that it may appear, structurally speaking.

[VanessaCarltonMania]

I remember I wrote a song a long time ago but I didn't really like it, but most of ppl thought it was quite good to be my first one, I had tons of good ideas for them, but I just gave up! Don't do the same and keep trying!

mmhmm well everyone seems to think that its a song...its a poem
than tyler200 said that there was no rhyme to it, I never said it had rhyme, I did not want rhyme, not every poem had to rhyme.

its great! and btw...poetry doesnt have to rhyme!

great job, love it so much! and im glad it shows feelings!