Author Topic: Cows!  (Read 2476 times)

Holly

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Cows!
« on: December 17, 2003, 06:10:36 pm »
lol, I thought this was kind of funny! My econ teacher read it to us today:

DEMOCRAT
You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
You feel guilty for being successful. Barbara Streisand sings for you.

REPUBLICAN
You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
So?

SOCIALIST You have two cows.
The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.
You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.

COMMUNIST
You have two cows.
The government seizes both and provides you with milk.
You wait in line for hours to get it.
It is expensive and sour.

CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE
You have two cows.
You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.

DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE
You have two cows.
The government taxes you to the point you have to sell both to support a
man in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was a gift from
your government.

BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE
You have two cows.
The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you
for the milk, and then pours the milk down the drain.

AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one.
You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows.
You are surprised when one cow drops dead.
You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have down sized and
are reducing expenses.
Your stock goes up.

FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three cows.
You go to lunch and drink wine.
Life is good.

JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one tenth the size of an ordinary cow and
produce twenty times the milk.
They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains.
Most are at the top of their class at cow school.

GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give
excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour.
Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.

ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows but you don't know where they are.
While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman.
You break for lunch.
Life is good.

RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have some vodka.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You have some more vodka.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.

TALIBAN CORPORATION
You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which are two.
You don't milk them because you cannot touch any creature's private parts.
Then you kill them and claim a US bomb blew them up while they were in
the hospital.

IRAQI CORPORATION
You have two cows.
They go into hiding.
They send radio tapes of their mooing.

POLISH CORPORATION
You have two bulls.
Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them.

FLORIDA CORPORATION
You have a black cow and a brown cow.
Everyone votes for the best looking one.
Some of the people who like the brown one best, vote for the black one.
Some people vote for both.
Some people vote for neither.
Some people can't figure out how to vote at all.
Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which is the best
looking cow.

CALIFORNIAN
You have a cow and a bull.
The bull is depressed.
It has spent its life living a lie.
It goes away for two weeks.
It comes back after a taxpayer-paid sex-change operation.
You now have two cows.
One makes milk; the other doesn't.
You try to sell the transgender cow.
Its lawyer sues you for discrimination.
You lose in court.
You sell the milk-generating cow to pay the damages.
You now have one rich, transgender, non-milk-producing cow.
You change your business to beef. PETA pickets your farm.
Jesse Jackson makes a speech in your driveway.
Cruz Bustamante calls for higher farm taxes to help "working cows".
Hillary Clinton calls for the nationalization of 1/7 of your farm "for
the children".
Gray Davis signs a law giving your farm to Mexico.
The L.A. Times quotes five anonymous cows claiming you groped their teats.
You declare bankruptcy! and shut down all operations.
The cow starves to death.
The L.A. Times' analysis shows your business failure is Bush's fault.
"i'm willing to do anything
to calm the storm in my heart
i've never been the praying kind
but lately i've been down upon my knees
not looking for a miracle
just a reason to believe"

loveplasticlove

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« Reply #1 on: December 17, 2003, 07:28:30 pm »
hah i couldn't read it all... I'm sleepy but all I have to say is...


Katia: I saw a cow! hahahah ;)  oh the memories
"I'm not a slave to a god that doesn't exist."  -Marilyn Manson
SuperScientific: I have a eggroll to shove in your rice patty lol

Holly

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« Reply #2 on: December 17, 2003, 07:32:26 pm »
lol... yeah it's long!
and no wonder you're sleepy!
"i'm willing to do anything
to calm the storm in my heart
i've never been the praying kind
but lately i've been down upon my knees
not looking for a miracle
just a reason to believe"

LimeTwister

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Cows!
« Reply #3 on: December 17, 2003, 07:32:30 pm »
so odd how they tie countries to cows! lol....

who'da thunk it?

Alecs

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« Reply #4 on: December 17, 2003, 07:37:11 pm »
It was great! I read the whole long thing!!!! :lol:
"The crows seemed to be calling his name thought Caw..."

Holly

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« Reply #5 on: December 17, 2003, 07:38:46 pm »
lol... i know
it must have been someone with alot of time on their hands
"i'm willing to do anything
to calm the storm in my heart
i've never been the praying kind
but lately i've been down upon my knees
not looking for a miracle
just a reason to believe"

Alecs

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« Reply #6 on: December 17, 2003, 07:42:17 pm »
true dat! I just forwarded the whole thing to 30 other peeps around the country. I titled the email, "whenever you're not busy read all of this" :-)
"The crows seemed to be calling his name thought Caw..."

Holly

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« Reply #7 on: December 17, 2003, 07:46:13 pm »
lol!
yeah... my teacher read it to us when we werent busy after a test.
we were all cracking up! i love the japan, russia, iraq, and cali ones
"i'm willing to do anything
to calm the storm in my heart
i've never been the praying kind
but lately i've been down upon my knees
not looking for a miracle
just a reason to believe"

B

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« Reply #8 on: December 17, 2003, 10:52:52 pm »
Pretty funny!  :D
For all you broken hearted lovers lost, go find another one. 'Cause you know time won't wait and you'll be late, white rabbits on the run...

Jophess

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Re: Cows!
« Reply #9 on: December 18, 2003, 11:24:03 am »
Quote from: "Holly"
REPUBLICAN
You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
So?

FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three cows.
You go to lunch and drink wine.
Life is good.

GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give
excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour.
Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.

RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have some vodka.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You have some more vodka.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.

TALIBAN CORPORATION
You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which are two.
You don't milk them because you cannot touch any creature's private parts.
Then you kill them and claim a US bomb blew them up while they were in
the hospital.

IRAQI CORPORATION
You have two cows.
They go into hiding.
They send radio tapes of their mooing.

POLISH CORPORATION
You have two bulls.
Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them.


Those had to be my favorites. That was histerical!
Joe

Layla

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« Reply #10 on: December 18, 2003, 12:20:49 pm »
there's so many cows 8O
i am going to say sumthin very imature then, but I resisted the temptation :lol:

I feel like a shadow
Walking behind who you think I am
Just like my shadow