In Progression

[jlmusicchick]

just wrote it like 2 seconds ago, so please be kind :-P

In Progression

i turned up the radio
we've been singing the same bitter song
so sweetly now for what seems like
much too long.

i'll change a note
the chord progression
the next verse to our demise
clashing voices and breaking apart
You can be the harmonies.

and this sound studio grew too small
our voices never got the chance to grow.
you never sang strong enough anyways,
and i always gave too damn much.

the bridge is battered
our abab pattern turned around.
well who cares if it never makes it to the radio,
we'll keep singing in silence
until the white sound fades and we're left standing there
with pathetic lyrics and a broken guitar string,
the perfect image of Kurt Cobain in your eyes.
I guess we all can't smell like teen spirit.

i'm too grunge for pop, you say
too badass for any of that shit.
and we're too sorry to keep on caring,
too sorry for anyone else to care.
well, that's the music industry for you.

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as always, criticism is more than welcomed    (constructive, of course  :wink: )

[Tia]

I have no critiscism. I loved it... <3

[jlmusicchick]

I have no critiscism. I loved it... <3

thanks :-)

[All I Ask2003]

That is awsome! That is one of those poems where you can get an image or you kind of feel like you are on the side watching everything happen. Great job!!

[Tia]

I have no critiscism. I loved it... <3

thanks :-)

De nada

[jlmusicchick]

That is awsome! That is one of those poems where you can get an image or you kind of feel like you are on the side watching everything happen. Great job!!

Thank you :-)

[jlmusicchick]

i added more stuff:

I turned up the radio
we've been singing the same bitter song
so sweetly now for what seems like
much too long.

i'll change a note,
the following chord progression
to make the fade a little easier...
maybe changing the next verse to our demise
would help the clashing voices and breaking apart
seem a little easier.

so you can be the harmonies
and maybe try to fix this for a change,
because i don't want all the rights to this song.

and this sound studio grew too small
our voices never got the chance to grow.
you never sang strong enough anyways,
and i always gave too damn much.

the bridge is battered
our abab pattern turned around.
well who cares if it never makes it to the radio,
we'll keep singing in silence
until the white sound fades and we're left standing here
with pathetic lyrics and a broken guitar string,
the perfect image of Kurt Cobain in your eyes.
I guess we all can't smell like teen spirit.

i'm too grunge for pop, you say
too badass for any of that shit.
and we're too sorry to keep on caring,
too sorry for anyone else to care.
you say we’ll never make it to number one,
well, that's the music industry for you.

[LimeTwister]

to make the fade a little easier...

I.love.it.

[jlmusicchick]

to make the fade a little easier...

I.love.it.

thanks :-) do you think it's better than the first version? anything i added that should have been left out?

[LimeTwister]

I like it...I don't think you'd have to change it anymore...unless, of course, you're not happy.

[jlmusicchick]

I like it...I don't think you'd have to change it anymore...unless, of course, you're not happy.

no i'm happy with it, it's just that sometimes i understand what i'm writing, but i'm worried that my words won't make sense, you know?

[LimeTwister]

and that's why it's a poem and not an essay.  :wink:

[jlmusicchick]

and that's why it's a poem and not an essay.  :wink:

lol i know but i always hate it when i read peoples stuff and i'm like "wtf are they trying to say?" and i don't want my crap to be like that :-P

[Mountaineer]

love it. its kinda harsh but i love it

[jlmusicchick]

love it. its kinda harsh but i love it

thanks :-)