So Harsh

[Tia]

The sun is so bright
The skies are so grey
The thunder's so loud
In a swirling hurricane

The wind is so fierce
The cold is so numbing
The nights are so long
When you dread what is coming

The pain is so harsh
The blood is so red
The cut is so deep
The body so dead

[dconfessional]

That's really deep, but good! I love poems with pattern like that.

[Tia]

Thank youuuuuuuuuu for digging it up and replying!! :wink:

[Vultch]

thats dark. I like it!

[jlmusicchick]

i like it tia! but i would expand more...like when you say "when you dread what is coming" what is it you're dreading? what are its ramifications if it does come to make everything so bad? other than that i like it, like kev said it's dark and mysterious, but maybe toooo mysterious, you know?

[dconfessional]

You're welcome. That's what I was doing. Looking for things on the Creative Endeavors with no replies. No one's replied to mine, and I felt upset, so I was trying not to return it to others!

[Tia]

Thank you Kev!

i like it tia! but i would expand more...like when you say "when you dread what is coming" what is it you're dreading? what are its ramifications if it does come to make everything so bad? other than that i like it, like kev said it's dark and mysterious, but maybe toooo mysterious, you know?

I see exactly what you mean Jess and they're all very good points but I just wanted to write something short and sharp and intruiging (sp?). I wanted to see if I could fit everything I was feeling into a few words. I may expand on it though and turn it into a song with a lovely dark melodyyyyy...
Thanks for giving feedback - it's always useful and appreciated!!

dc - Thanks dear, sweet of you! *goes to read your stuff*

[jlmusicchick]

Thank you Kev!

i like it tia! but i would expand more...like when you say "when you dread what is coming" what is it you're dreading? what are its ramifications if it does come to make everything so bad? other than that i like it, like kev said it's dark and mysterious, but maybe toooo mysterious, you know?

I see exactly what you mean Jess and they're all very good points but I just wanted to write something short and sharp and intruiging (sp?). I wanted to see if I could fit everything I was feeling into a few words. I may expand on it though and turn it into a song with a lovely dark melodyyyyy...
Thanks for giving feedback - it's always useful and appreciated!!

that's cool tia! i honestly wasn't trying to tear down your poem...i really only comment on the poems i like if it helps any :-P

[Tia]

that's cool tia! i honestly wasn't trying to tear down your poem...i really only comment on the poems i like if it helps any :-P

Haha, thankies :-P

I know you weren't tryna tear it down dear, it's totally cool

[jlmusicchick]

that's cool tia! i honestly wasn't trying to tear down your poem...i really only comment on the poems i like if it helps any :-P

Haha, thankies :-P

I know you weren't tryna tear it down dear, it's totally cool

ok, just making sure...i know some people get kinda sensitive when people make suggestions and such :-)

[Tia]

ok, just making sure...i know some people get kinda sensitive when people make suggestions and such :-)

The only time I'm ever in the category of 'some people' is when it's 'some people are weird' :wink:

[amberbeads]

8O Wow... that's dark. I likey

[jlmusicchick]

ok, just making sure...i know some people get kinda sensitive when people make suggestions and such :-)

The only time I'm ever in the category of 'some people' is when it's 'some people are weird' :wink:

 :razz:

[Tia]

Thanks Nat

:razz:

Indeed :-P