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Author Topic: My poem  (Read 5679 times)

soupdujour

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My poem
« on: August 30, 2007, 05:43:21 pm »
It's called "Rubber"

I sit here on this tired rubber
It sits alone with me
I wonder what has it done
To deserve this presence

I look away into the wandering desert
As the rubber glances back with me
I touch the rubber
It touches me

We engage in conversation
The rubber now speaks?
I wonder who used this rubber?
And why it is so weak.

The rubber tells a story
Of a time long ago
A time where all was gory
A time of a wonderful beau

A man of 24, a girl of 21
These are the words of the rubber forelore
Lo and behold, a time of restless passion
The rubber now goes, and I long to hinder

I wave my goodbyes
Kiss on the cheek
But I know I will see the rubber
Again in my dreams


PLEASE give me your thoughts!!
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itsthefiveofus

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« Reply #1 on: August 30, 2007, 06:08:36 pm »
its good.... but um I mean its your poem and al but I think it would be better if you change all the "rubber" to something else...the word rubber just does not fit with the poem. the content is good but its just that word, its killing me! but the poem is not bad quite well.
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Current takes me out, what will be, will be. Floating on the sea, stars are watching me.

soupdujour

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« Reply #2 on: August 30, 2007, 06:14:52 pm »
Quote from: "itsthefiveofus"
its good.... but um I mean its your poem and al but I think it would be better if you change all the "rubber" to something else...the word rubber just does not fit with the poem. the content is good but its just that word, its killing me! but the poem is not bad quite well.


Should i replace it with "condom"? Or "birth control'?
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itsthefiveofus

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« Reply #3 on: August 30, 2007, 08:00:33 pm »
yeah...um I am going to stop there.no more comments from me.
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Current takes me out, what will be, will be. Floating on the sea, stars are watching me.

soupdujour

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« Reply #4 on: August 30, 2007, 09:01:13 pm »
Lol! I was only kidding with you!
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Manda

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« Reply #5 on: August 30, 2007, 09:13:22 pm »
the rubber goes over the penis.
...I would change the title.
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You know that Dirrty feeling when you wake up with no pants on face down on the floor of the city bus and you got like a condom in your ear? Thats the feeling we are trying to create! - Sarah Michelle Gellar

soupdujour

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« Reply #6 on: August 30, 2007, 09:15:11 pm »
Quote from: "Manda"
the rubber goes over the penis.
...I would change the title.



i think you misinterpreted the meaning of my artwork.
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Manda

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« Reply #7 on: August 30, 2007, 09:16:00 pm »
art?  :roflmao: you suck at writing.
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You know that Dirrty feeling when you wake up with no pants on face down on the floor of the city bus and you got like a condom in your ear? Thats the feeling we are trying to create! - Sarah Michelle Gellar

soupdujour

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« Reply #8 on: August 30, 2007, 09:19:37 pm »
Um...Thanks for being so constructive. I know I'm not the best poem writer but its one of my first poems.
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Manda

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« Reply #9 on: August 30, 2007, 09:22:59 pm »
You should keep your writing to the spam you contribute to around here.
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You know that Dirrty feeling when you wake up with no pants on face down on the floor of the city bus and you got like a condom in your ear? Thats the feeling we are trying to create! - Sarah Michelle Gellar

soupdujour

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« Reply #10 on: August 30, 2007, 09:24:41 pm »
Is English your first language?  Because nothing you said made any sense. I know I'm not the best writer ever but there's no need for you to be rude about it.  After all, I don't even know you.
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Manda

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« Reply #11 on: August 30, 2007, 09:27:17 pm »
Oh really? Let me guess, another newbie who doesn't read the Frequently Asked Questions. DO NOT SPAM! You are replying to every thread, just to gain posts. You have absolutely no real feedback, just stupidity.

I'm glad I don't know you.  :wink:
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You know that Dirrty feeling when you wake up with no pants on face down on the floor of the city bus and you got like a condom in your ear? Thats the feeling we are trying to create! - Sarah Michelle Gellar

soupdujour

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« Reply #12 on: August 30, 2007, 09:29:25 pm »
Quote from: "Manda"
Oh really? Let me guess, another newbie who doesn't read the Frequently Asked Questions. DO NOT SPAM! You are replying to every thread, just to gain posts. You have absolutely no real feedback, just stupidity.

I'm glad I don't know you.  :wink:


I'm replying to every thread because I'm bored.  And I know how to use a forum, I don't need to read the FAQ.  Can you just end this now?
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Manda

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« Reply #13 on: August 30, 2007, 09:31:57 pm »
Quote from: "soupdujour"
Quote from: "Manda"
Oh really? Let me guess, another newbie who doesn't read the Frequently Asked Questions. DO NOT SPAM! You are replying to every thread, just to gain posts. You have absolutely no real feedback, just stupidity.

I'm glad I don't know you.  :wink:


I'm replying to every thread because I'm bored.  And I know how to use a forum, I don't need to read the FAQ.  Can you just end this now?


So you think every forum is the same? Now I really don't like you. I really think you should read the FAQ here, this forum is different its not cluttered with crap and we like to keep it decent and fun around here. I've read post after post of your garbage, stop it already. If you're bored, read a book! Watch television, hell go outside! Stop SPAMMING!
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You know that Dirrty feeling when you wake up with no pants on face down on the floor of the city bus and you got like a condom in your ear? Thats the feeling we are trying to create! - Sarah Michelle Gellar

soupdujour

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« Reply #14 on: August 30, 2007, 09:34:05 pm »
How about you stop telling me what to do? Who the hell do you think you are? Anyway, whatever you post after this I will not reply to. I'm gonna be the bigger person here and just end it now.
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