Author Topic: Still (Read 4448 times)

Tia · « **on:** May 13, 2004, 11:08:56 am »

So, I haven't posted anything in ages but I just wrote this on the computer... It's not my usual kinda thing at all, but aaaaanyway:

Still

As the daylight slowly fades away
The shadows come out to play
And the demons start to head my way
Like it wasn’t hard enough to get through the day

As I close the curtains on a blackened sky
The wondering begins again, the wondering why
And I miss you more each night
I wish you were here, standing by my side

And if there’s a god out there
I’m betting he doesn’t care
Coz we’re going nowhere
I’m still here, and you’re still there

And I’m wishing I hadn’t said those words
Wishing that you hadn’t heard
How I wish I could replay that day
And say all the things I didn’t say

As I lie here in my lonely bed
Thoughts of you swim round my head
I remember when you used to hold me tight
And guide me through each day and night

But if there’s a god out there
I’m betting he doesn’t care
Coz we’re going nowhere
And I’m still here, and you’re still there

If I had just one chance
If we had one last dance
I’d kiss you now and hug you tight
Tell you I’m sorry, ask you to stay the night

Feedback would be appreciated...

clamicas · « **Reply #1 on:** May 14, 2004, 12:46:32 pm »

I loved it

it's one of those things everyone relates to, gr8 job

Tia · « **Reply #2 on:** May 14, 2004, 02:36:01 pm »

Thanks!

VanessaLover03 · « **Reply #3 on:** May 26, 2004, 10:22:36 pm »

sweet...ness...

Tia · « **Reply #4 on:** May 27, 2004, 10:53:40 am »

I'll take that as a compliment :wink:

Chloe · « **Reply #5 on:** May 27, 2004, 02:42:02 pm »

LOVED it!! great job Tia!!

Tia · « **Reply #6 on:** May 28, 2004, 01:50:03 pm »

Thanks C

Chloe · « **Reply #7 on:** May 28, 2004, 02:36:51 pm »

Quote from: "Tia"

Thanks C

you're welcome , T :wink:

vt · « **Reply #8 on:** May 28, 2004, 03:32:27 pm »

lovely!!!! I like it.

Awesome job.

Tia · « **Reply #9 on:** May 29, 2004, 04:16:36 am »

Thank you! You're all so sweet <3

It would be helpful if you could point out favourite parts/things that might need changing though

vanessafan18 · « **Reply #10 on:** June 01, 2004, 04:57:18 am »

Wow, Tia sweety that was lovely! So well written. I really enjoyed reading that too! You wanted feedback so here's mine...

As the daylight slowly fades away
The shadows come out to play
And the demons start to head my way
Like it wasn’t hard enough to get through the day

GREAT opening, really imaginative and I loved your use of pathetic fallacy in the second line, so cute

If I had just one chance
If we had one last dance
I’d kiss you now and hug you tight
Tell you I’m sorry, ask you to stay the night

Beautiful ending!

I got to go out now, but I could go on for hours and Tia hun there is NO negative parts!! Love you xoxoxo

Tia · « **Reply #11 on:** June 01, 2004, 11:31:05 am »

That was so nice it was almost unreal... :oops:

Love you G *hug*

vanessafan18 · « **Reply #12 on:** June 02, 2004, 12:12:50 am »

Quote from: "Tia"

That was so nice it was almost unreal... :oops:

Love you G *hug*

Awww you sweetheart, you're welcome! :heart: *hug* xoxo

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Author Topic: Still (Read 4448 times)