One-Sided

[Julie]

One-Sided

5 years have gone by
And I still think of you
You've inspired so many poems
5 years have gone by
And I still miss you
Hard and aching
Like I just lost you
A hole is still in my heart
And it will never close
Until you come back
But as information has shown
Not reliable maybe
You've been here all along
I can't cope with how wrong that is
Letting me die here while you've been around
Have I ever walked by you
Next to you
Stepped on your ground?
Have we just missed each other by a few steps?
Around the corner?
In the next car?
How could I not sense it?
And how could you not try?
I'm still here
But yet you don't even look for me
While I've been searching since you've been gone
I can truly feel the distance getting closer
Tori Amos
But if the impossible happens and we do meet again
It might be completely different
Disappointment
Not united
Not anymore
And this has all been
One-sided

[NoelleNC]

I don't understand why there is a line from Tori Amos in there if that's what that is. I'm a little confused. If I'm being honest, but not in a mean Simon Cowell way, I'd have to say that this would only be useful in a song. As a poem it's lacking depth and purpose. It's a bunch of thoughts but with no underlying purpose (esp the beginning). I like this part in particular, however
 

"But if the impossible happens and we do meet again
It might be completely different
Disappointment
Not united
Not anymore
And this has all been
One-sided"

I like it because I like the "Disappointment / not united / not anymore"
I like the cadence, very broken, because it fits with the idea of not being united. I don't know if I like the repetition of "not" with "not anymore". I might like it better if you left it off of that phrase, but I'm not sure.

I think the end of the poem has a lot more impact than the beginning. For instance, I didn't really pay attention until the end because it didn't demand my attention until that point. So that tells you you're beginning is weak. Work with the end

[Julie]

Well, I'm not the best poet in the world and this is definitely not one of my best pieces.  I wrote this right after I found out my ex-best friend was in town and didn't contact me.  It affected me deeply and the poem was just raw, not revised or worked on...just flowed out of my fingers to the keyboard so I guess I didn't really think too hard on it, just tried to get some thoughts out.

The reason the Tori Amos quote is in there is because I felt that that line from the song, "China" fit so well with the poem and what I was writing about.  I think of my poems as songs sometimes because I wish I was a musician, but I'm not.  I think lines can still have impact though.