Author Topic: miss my friend (Read 5907 times)

Gina · « **on:** April 09, 2003, 12:37:29 pm »

Left without you at my side
A friend whom i cherished so deeply
I hurt you without knowing I had
And things will never be the same
All the apologies in the world
Will never seem to make things right
But I will say this for one last time
Hoping that you always know its true
I need you in my life, as my friend
And I never meant to hurt you

yeah i know thats really bad, idc if it rhymes idc if its bad.... just needed to get all that out... that was just like spur of the moment

LimeTwister · « **Reply #1 on:** April 09, 2003, 12:43:05 pm »

poems don't have to rhyme (look up free-verse)

and it is good, its simple, and how you feel/felt.

Gina · « **Reply #2 on:** April 09, 2003, 12:44:11 pm »

hehe joey i know what free verse is

LimeTwister · « **Reply #3 on:** April 09, 2003, 12:53:41 pm »

well i am the only one that can say their work is bad lol, its my obligation...and yours is good!

Gina · « **Reply #4 on:** April 09, 2003, 12:54:55 pm »

urs is always so good

i dont write... it was just kinda to vent i guess

LostDwarf · « **Reply #5 on:** April 09, 2003, 01:13:38 pm »

interesting

David Hart · « **Reply #6 on:** April 09, 2003, 01:30:54 pm »

It's nice...only constructive critizism I would like to give is to work on punctuation, When you read a poem, generally if you want to pause at the end of the line there will be a comma or a period, otherwise you would read the poem through as a continuous verse; having said this, your work will be much more coherrant once you add punctuation and pauses! well done! I like what you are able to achieve at such a young age!
DAVID

Logikal X · « **Reply #7 on:** April 09, 2003, 01:37:33 pm »

about the pause thing, i was writing with ed hogenmiller for a while and he always loved that i never used punctuation or pauses in my writings, so they arent necessary by any means, i prefer without letting only the words do your work. (just an opinion and a little story behind it not a diss to david)

David Hart · « **Reply #8 on:** April 09, 2003, 01:43:05 pm »

very true pete, a poem without puctuation will read straight through without a pause or break from line to line. I just thought that this was not the intention of the above poem...no offense taken :wink:

Gina · « **Reply #9 on:** April 09, 2003, 02:13:02 pm »

thanks guys... i wrote it within a matter of about 3 or 4 minutes not really thinking about nething like that, just wanted to let out some feelings.. but if i were to sit down and take time to write something a little better- i'll definately take that punctuation thing into consideration.

but i appreciate the constructive criticism lots

Jophess · « **Reply #10 on:** April 09, 2003, 02:18:50 pm »

Quote from: "NYnessaholicGina"

thanks guys... i wrote it within a matter of about 3 or 4 minutes not really thinking about nething like that, just wanted to let out some feelings.. but if i were to sit down and take time to write something a little better- i'll definately take that punctuation thing into consideration. but i appreciate the constructive criticism lots

That's good for 3-4 minutes!

News:

Author Topic: miss my friend (Read 5907 times)

LimeTwister

LimeTwister

David Hart

David Hart