Author Topic: miss my friend  (Read 3522 times)

Gina

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miss my friend
« on: April 09, 2003, 12:37:29 pm »
Left without you at my side
A friend whom i cherished so deeply
I hurt you without knowing I had
And things will never be the same
All the apologies in the world
Will never seem to make things right
But I will say this for one last time
Hoping that you always know its true
I need you in my life, as my friend
And I never meant to hurt you



yeah i know thats really bad, idc if it rhymes idc if its bad.... just needed to get all that out... that was just like spur of the moment
Gina
.She'd do anything to sparkle in his eye.

LimeTwister

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miss my friend
« Reply #1 on: April 09, 2003, 12:43:05 pm »
poems don't have to rhyme (look up free-verse)

and it is good, its simple, and how you feel/felt.

Gina

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miss my friend
« Reply #2 on: April 09, 2003, 12:44:11 pm »
hehe joey i know what free verse is :D
Gina
.She'd do anything to sparkle in his eye.

LimeTwister

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miss my friend
« Reply #3 on: April 09, 2003, 12:53:41 pm »
well i am the only one that can say their work is bad lol, its my obligation...and yours is good!

Gina

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miss my friend
« Reply #4 on: April 09, 2003, 12:54:55 pm »
urs is always so good :D  i dont write... it was just kinda to vent i guess
Gina
.She'd do anything to sparkle in his eye.

LostDwarf

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miss my friend
« Reply #5 on: April 09, 2003, 01:13:38 pm »
interesting
.........the one and only!

David Hart

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miss my friend
« Reply #6 on: April 09, 2003, 01:30:54 pm »
It's nice...only constructive critizism I would like to give is to work on punctuation, When you read a poem, generally if you want to pause at the end of the line there will be a comma or a period, otherwise you would read the poem through as a continuous verse; having said this, your work will be much more coherrant once you add punctuation and pauses! well done! I like what you are able to achieve at such a young age!
DAVID

Logikal X

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miss my friend
« Reply #7 on: April 09, 2003, 01:37:33 pm »
about the pause thing, i was writing with ed hogenmiller for a while and he always loved that i never used punctuation or pauses in my writings, so they arent necessary by any means,  i prefer without letting only the words do your work.  (just an opinion and a little story behind it not a diss to david)
Quote from: "ReSpektDaFrenziedEVanesSa"
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miss my friend
« Reply #8 on: April 09, 2003, 01:43:05 pm »
very true pete, a poem without puctuation will read straight through without a pause or break from line to line. I just thought that this was not the intention of the above poem...no offense taken :wink:

Gina

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miss my friend
« Reply #9 on: April 09, 2003, 02:13:02 pm »
thanks guys... i wrote it within a matter of about 3 or 4 minutes not really thinking about nething like that, just wanted to let out some feelings.. but if i were to sit down and take time to write something a little better- i'll definately take that punctuation thing into consideration.  :D  but i appreciate the constructive criticism lots
Gina
.She'd do anything to sparkle in his eye.

Jophess

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miss my friend
« Reply #10 on: April 09, 2003, 02:18:50 pm »
Quote from: "NYnessaholicGina"
thanks guys... i wrote it within a matter of about 3 or 4 minutes not really thinking about nething like that, just wanted to let out some feelings.. but if i were to sit down and take time to write something a little better- i'll definately take that punctuation thing into consideration.  :D  but i appreciate the constructive criticism lots


That's good for 3-4 minutes!
Joe