TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING AUSTRALIAN:
1. Know your great-grand-dad was a murdering bar steward that no civilized nation on earth wanted.
2. Fosters Lager.
3. Dispossess Aborigines who have lived in your country for 40,000 years because you think it belongs to you.
4. Cricket captain not afraid to cry live on TV.
5. Tact and sensitivity.
6. Bondi Beach.
7. Other beaches.
8. Liberated attitude to homosexuals.
9. Drinking cold lager on the beach.
10. Having a bit of a swim and then drink some cold lager on the beach.
TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING A KIWI:
1. Get to shag chicks that resemble Jonah Lomu in a frock
2. Beer
3. Rugby
4. See above
5. See above
6. See above
7. See above
8. See above
9. You can tap a girl on her head and her knickers fall down
10. Hate everyone else ......unless its their round
TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING SWISS:
1. If there's a war on you can stay out of it and nobody cares
2. Following the war you get to keep all the gold
3. You can speak at least 4 languages at birth
4. You can speak German which even the Germans can't understand
5. You get to eat a different cheese at each meal
6. Their speciality in cooking is to stick a slab of cheese under a grill and wait till it melts or stick it in a pot and wait 'till it melts
7. You're perfectly safe because they don't allow anyone to stay in the country unless you can prove that you never have, and never will commit a crime
8. You don't have to take an exam answering impossible questions about Switzerland to stay
9. You can choose which laws you want to keep by moving to different areas of the country
10. All the benefits of being French, plus no. 10 of the Canadian list
TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING A SHETLANDER :
1. You ain't Scottish!
2. You ain't Scottish!
3. You ain't Scottish!
4. You ain't Scottish!
5. You ain't Scottish!
6. You ain't Scottish!
7. You ain't Scottish!
8. You ain't Scottish!
9. You ain't Scottish!
10. You ain't Scottish!