what should I do: 1st song I've ever shared with anyone!

[iluvvanessa]

So this is the 1st time i ve ever shared a song with anyone, so her it is. Its titled what should I do, and it was inspired by my sister, calling me names, and just the anger that can build up when you fight and just don't let ypur emmorions out, and not knowing what to do, or what to think.

so her it is tell me what you think:

What should I do

You say I'm ugly
You call me names
But you know what I think
Wait you don't care

What can I do
to make this stop
why can't we just
Work it out

Where should I go
Up or down
What should I do
Smile or frown

Who are you
You're not the same
What are you
I think you're a monster
From a video game

Where should I go
Up or down
what should I do
Smile or frown

I don't know the answer
I don't know what to do
I need a clue
Am I getting through
To you

Where should I go
Up or down
What should I do
Smile or frown

[Morgan]

I think this is pretty good and that you have some potential to grow in your writing talents.
What I like to do is write a lot of songs, then if I go back and read my old ones and think: "wow, but I've really progressed since then" then I go back and change the old songs into even better songs with my new skills.

[darkcarnival13]

you have some very good potential. once you start writing more songs, you'll be excellent!

[VanessaCarltonMania]

Ure good, and like the others said u have great potential...
here are a few tips to progress faster:

-Use a thesaurus to find rich vocabulary that rhymes!
-Think of a theme for the song...something like a story(like Vanessa's songs!)
-Use ur heart....people's best work comes out when they r having an emotional time in their life.


Hope that helped

[iluvvanessa]

thanks, and i do need to go back and edit my work, and once i get a piano, i will beable to make the music, and sing it!

I DO agree bout the thesaurus thing to, it will do me good to look up some of those words.

thanks for the positive comments!!!!

[VanessaCarltonMania]

thanks, and i do need to go back and edit my work, and once i get a piano, i will beable to make the music, and sing it!

I DO agree bout the thesaurus thing to, it will do me good to look up some of those words.

thanks for the positive comments!!!!

don't mention it!

[iluvvanessa]

heres another song

called where are you:

Where are you
You say you're right on front of me
But your not
Who are you
You say you're here
But your not

I see a different person
With a different voice a different heart
Youre not the same when its just me and you

Take it off take it off
Take that mask off
Show it off show it off
Show them the real you
Show them who you really are

This person you pretend to be
Is full of artificial memory
The days and nights meant nothing to you
But the world to me

Shallow as a puddle
Telling lie after lie
Darker than the sky
On a stormy day

Take it off take it off
Take the fake mask off
Show it off show it off
Show them who you really are

Where are you Where are you where are you
The one I love
You've gone so far from my heart
My heart

Shallow as a puddle
Telling me lie after lie
Darker than the sky
On a stormy day

[VanessaCarltonMania]

OMGG!!!!!
THIS IS AWESOMEEEEEE!!!!!!!!! :O

ure really great!

these lyrics are so close to what im going through now that they brought tears to my eyes.... :oops:  :oops:


WELL DONE!

P.S: IM posting  a few new songs I wrote in my thread....check them out plz! thanks

[iluvvanessa]

Thanks you, I realy didn't expect any good comments with my songs, but your positive comments are really inspiring me! I cannot thank yoiu enough! I can't wait until I can finally compose them.

[Morgan]

I'm really excited to hear your compositions if you can get those to us somehow. Your lyrics I think would go wonderfully with some piano.

[iluvvanessa]

idk how to play piano, but am trying to learn...but i wrote another song...
"Why did you leave Me"

Never said anything
didn't show it on your face
never said you hated this awful place
and now you're gone

you're my friend
how could you leave me
I'm out there searching
Hoping you'll find somebody

Why couldn't you tell me
why oh why
This madness is starting to get me
i cry and cry

Right now i'm praying
Praying for a safe return

I miss you
more than you could know
I'm waiting for you
To show your face

Why did you have to run
we were having so much fun
please come back don't leave me
i need you here

why couldn't you tell me
why oh why
please come back
to me

[VanessaCarltonMania]

OMG! U r GREATTT!!!

IS this song abt someone??

ITS REALLY AWESOME!!!!!!

I would offer to help u with the piano music...but i have no clue abt that stuff! :razz: :lol:

But i would love to hear it, when uve got the music....


Keep the songs coming!!!!  :wink:  :wink:

[iluvvanessa]

i will definatly share the music with you when i can write it, i too have no clue about piano, but thanks again for your comments!

[Morgan]

Ahh!
Do you have anything else?
I want to read more of your stuff now.

[iluvvanessa]

i am writting as much as i can, but i dont want to rush it because i want it to sound good.

and to answer vanessacarltonmania's question, this song is dedicated to shiara, from the vcb, and all of the people who experience the pain of having a friend or family member run away.