i need advice...

[Holly]

lol, ok, now i need to make him realize that i dont want a relationship and just want to be friends

[freshlettuce]

If he...never takes you out in public, then you're his booty call.

---Andrew

Ah-ha.  That's what I thought.

The backstory:

I'm currently auditioning a certain boy for the part of Fresh Lettuce's Bed Buddy.  nikkee seems to think he should be spending $$$ on me because it's a pain in the ass for me to see him.  He lives in the city and I do not.  It obviously costs money for me to travel into the city and I've even brought alcohol on one occasion.

I feel uncomfortable requesting that he take me out since we're not in a relationship -- and I clearly do not want a boyfriend right now.  Then again, nikkee has a point in that I've made things soooo easy for him by simply being available and willing.

What's a girl to do?   :?

I seek advice from the very vocal ladies and men of this thread.  

One other thing.  We've spent more time in bed than out and about being buddies.  How do I get  him to be more of a friend to me?  I do not have enough guy friends.  He'd qualify wonderfully for such a role because we get along, I feel comfortable around him, and he doesn't annoy me.

[Grakthis]

Hmmmm.....

Ok, Freshie... you can't have it both ways.  You either want a booty call or you want a relationship.  If you want a booty call, then you're not allowed to EXPECT anything from him in the way of behavior or monetary gifts.

Here is why.  He has no motivation to do anything for you.  In a guys mind, if you're not his GF then you have no leverage to boss him around.

The only way you can exert this kind of control over him is to withold sex... which means you are punishing yourself as well and it defeats the entire purpose of keeping him around.

The moment you tell him that he has to take you out and spend money on you, you are telling him you want a REAL relationship.

AND you also can't be good friends with someone you're sleeping with because SOMEONE always gets too attached (90% of the time its the female, but sometimes its the guy).  Booty calls only work if you aren't good friends and you're just two people who get a long ok.

The way I see it, there are two components to a lasting relationship.  Friendship and sex.  A significant other is just a close friend you're sleeping with.

In other words, pick one; friend or hookup, and move on.
---Andrew

[freshlettuce]

Hmmmm.....

Ok, Freshie... you can't have it both ways.  You either want a booty call or you want a relationship.  If you want a booty call, then you're not allowed to EXPECT anything from him in the way of behavior or monetary gifts.

Here is why.  He has no motivation to do anything for you.  In a guys mind, if you're not his GF then you have no leverage to boss him around.

The only way you can exert this kind of control over him is to withold sex... which means you are punishing yourself as well and it defeats the entire purpose of keeping him around.

The moment you tell him that he has to take you out and spend money on you, you are telling him you want a REAL relationship.

AND you also can't be good friends with someone you're sleeping with because SOMEONE always gets too attached (90% of the time its the female, but sometimes its the guy).  Booty calls only work if you aren't good friends and you're just two people who get a long ok.

The way I see it, there are two components to a lasting relationship.  Friendship and sex.  A significant other is just a close friend you're sleeping with.

In other words, pick one; friend or hookup, and move on.
---Andrew

Thanks for the advice, Andrew.  I really needed the guy perspective on things.  I'm looking at things more objectively now and have an idea of how to handle the situation better.

Thanks again!