I voted for the one I think's best. But they're all too long. To much explaning the joke in the caption. The comedic value of captions is sharply, inversely proportional to the time it takes to read them. Short ones are always funnier. Your last one would be funnier if it stopped at the first question mark.
"The veneer is a little on the dark side"
"Luke. I am your mother... father!"
Okay, so we've established that I suck and that I'm not a comedian, but you get the idea.