long distance relationships

[Holly]

have any of you ever had one? are they worthwhile or not?

I met the man of my dreams. We both really like eachother. He says I'm the greatest girl he's met in a really long time and he really wants to be with me. The only problem is he's leaving in a couple months and is afraid of long distance relationships! this sucks! haha

[Grakthis]

have any of you ever had one? are they worthwhile or not?

I met the man of my dreams. We both really like eachother. He says I'm the greatest girl he's met in a really long time and he really wants to be with me. The only problem is he's leaving in a couple months and is afraid of long distance relationships! this sucks! haha

1. Yes.
2. No.

I've been in one and I had a chance at a second.  My experiences with the first made me realize that the second was a HUGE mistake.  Long distance relationships cannot work in the long term unless BOTH parties are so pathetic they cannot find anyone else.

No, I'm not being mean to anyone.  This is just a simple fact of human nature.  The girl in front of me will always be more appealing than the girl in Iowa.  One is real, the other is a voice on a telephone.

The only possible exception is a relationship that was going strong for a while BEFORE the split. In which case the relationship will takea bout TWICE the length of the time you were together to fall apart.

So if you were together for 8 months then it would probably work long distance for 16 months.

[Katia's Lover]

have any of you ever had one? are they worthwhile or not?

I met the man of my dreams. We both really like eachother. He says I'm the greatest girl he's met in a really long time and he really wants to be with me. The only problem is he's leaving in a couple months and is afraid of long distance relationships! this sucks! haha

1. Yes.
2. No.

I've been in one and I had a chance at a second.  My experiences with the first made me realize that the second was a HUGE mistake.  Long distance relationships cannot work in the long term unless BOTH parties are so pathetic they cannot find anyone else.

No, I'm not being mean to anyone.  This is just a simple fact of human nature.  The girl in front of me will always be more appealing than the girl in Iowa.  One is real, the other is a voice on a telephone.

The only possible exception is a relationship that was going strong for a while BEFORE the split. In which case the relationship will takea bout TWICE the length of the time you were together to fall apart.

So if you were together for 8 months then it would probably work long distance for 16 months.

Yes.  I would agree with all of this.

I too have been in a LDR.  It doesn't work.

[B]

LDR's are very difficult. You have to completely trust the person you are with, for one thing. I haven't had very good experiences with them myself  :?. I wouldn't exactly suggest it, but it could work for some people *shrug* ... I can kind of see why he is leery about them, though.

[Will]

Long distance relationships cannot work in the long term unless BOTH parties are so pathetic they cannot find anyone else.

I take exception to that. I get hit on so much that it isn't even funny. Hell, I've been tempted once or twice by it. She has been too. Why do I stay with her when I could so easily get a girlfriend who lives closer to me? Simply because she's so different from everyone else I've ever dated. There is something special I have with her that I've never had before. Yeah, I really wanna be able to kiss and cuddle again. However, physical stuff isn't all there is to a relationship. There is something more that Mandi and I have that I've never felt before.

Yeah, I could go fishing for a girlfriend and find a reasonably attractive one in under a week. Would I want to? No. I wouldn't trade what I have for anything.

Oh yeah... it's been going on for 2.5 years.

[Steveau]

I agree with everybody here. It's hard because it's easy to say you're with the person but if you aren't really sharing experiences with the person it's like you're not together. Also, people will always be tempted by people around them and it's easier to get away with cheating if you're not around your significant other.
Anyway, knowing you Venti, you'll be over this guy soon enough. If you're meant to be with this guy somehow he'll find his way back and you'll be together.

[Holly]

The guy in my life is seriously the most amazing guy who I have met. He's tall, gorgeous, athletic, musically talented, extremely smart, a perfect gentleman, caring, funny, a good cook, hard working, thoughtful, and the physical stuff we do (though not too much) is good. He's everything I want in a guy. He says i'm amazing and beautiful and the best girl he's met in a long time. He said that if we were in more of the same place in life, we'd be a great couple and he wishes that could happen. Unfortunately he's leaving in a couple months, so there's not real point in starting anything. We're going to continue dating, but not be serious. It's kinda scary knowing this guy is leaving me pretty soon, but i can handle it. I just cant take us too seriously and I can't fall for him. I'll see how it goes... and one day in the future if we're in the same place again, we can try a relationship. If not... he'll always be a good friend and I'm cool with that. But yeah... I really don't think a long distance is a good thing. I thought maybe it'd be worth a shot, but it would probably end up hurting what we have.

[Grakthis]

Long distance relationships cannot work in the long term unless BOTH parties are so pathetic they cannot find anyone else.

I take exception to that. I get hit on so much that it isn't even funny. Hell, I've been tempted once or twice by it. She has been too. Why do I stay with her when I could so easily get a girlfriend who lives closer to me? Simply because she's so different from everyone else I've ever dated. There is something special I have with her that I've never had before. Yeah, I really wanna be able to kiss and cuddle again. However, physical stuff isn't all there is to a relationship. There is something more that Mandi and I have that I've never felt before.

Yeah, I could go fishing for a girlfriend and find a reasonably attractive one in under a week. Would I want to? No. I wouldn't trade what I have for anything.

Oh yeah... it's been going on for 2.5 years.

You couldn't get laid at an asian massage parlor.  My dog gets hit on by more women, and he's neutered.

I think Pete gets more play than you.

Actually, I have no real opinion on your relationship with Mandi as I don't really know either of you.  All I can say is that there are 2 options.

1) You are incapable of divorcing yourself from your feelings enough to properly assess the situation or
2) You are an exception to human nature.

And exceptions DO happen.  But frankly, I'm not taking a 90% chance of failure and having my ego stomped on when she cheats on me for a 10% chance of it working.  And anyone who DOES take those odds....well, probably works in the music industry.

[Steveau]

Long distance relationships cannot work in the long term unless BOTH parties are so pathetic they cannot find anyone else.

I take exception to that. I get hit on so much that it isn't even funny. Hell, I've been tempted once or twice by it. She has been too. Why do I stay with her when I could so easily get a girlfriend who lives closer to me? Simply because she's so different from everyone else I've ever dated. There is something special I have with her that I've never had before. Yeah, I really wanna be able to kiss and cuddle again. However, physical stuff isn't all there is to a relationship. There is something more that Mandi and I have that I've never felt before.

Yeah, I could go fishing for a girlfriend and find a reasonably attractive one in under a week. Would I want to? No. I wouldn't trade what I have for anything.

Oh yeah... it's been going on for 2.5 years.

You couldn't get laid at an asian massage parlor.  My dog gets hit on by more women, and he's neutered.

I think Pete gets more play than you.

Actually, I have no real opinion on your relationship with Mandi as I don't really know either of you.  All I can say is that there are 2 options.

1) You are incapable of divorcing yourself from your feelings enough to properly assess the situation or
2) You are an exception to human nature.

And exceptions DO happen.  But frankly, I'm not taking a 90% chance of failure and having my ego stomped on when she cheats on me for a 10% chance of it working.  And anyone who DOES take those odds....well, probably works in the music industry.

Besides being that age long distance relationships have a totally different dynamic. You've been "together" for 2.5 years (1/6 of your lives) which may seem long especially at your age but it's much easier to have an unrealistic image of the other person with that distance so that helps to propel your confidence in the strength of your relationship. It's harder to get repulsed by the other person if you're hardly ever in each others' presence.

[Logikal X]

Long distance relationships cannot work in the long term unless BOTH parties are so pathetic they cannot find anyone else.

I take exception to that. I get hit on so much that it isn't even funny. Hell, I've been tempted once or twice by it. She has been too. Why do I stay with her when I could so easily get a girlfriend who lives closer to me? Simply because she's so different from everyone else I've ever dated. There is something special I have with her that I've never had before. Yeah, I really wanna be able to kiss and cuddle again. However, physical stuff isn't all there is to a relationship. There is something more that Mandi and I have that I've never felt before.

Yeah, I could go fishing for a girlfriend and find a reasonably attractive one in under a week. Would I want to? No. I wouldn't trade what I have for anything.

Oh yeah... it's been going on for 2.5 years.

You couldn't get laid at an asian massage parlor.  My dog gets hit on by more women, and he's neutered.

I think Pete gets more play than you.

Actually, I have no real opinion on your relationship with Mandi as I don't really know either of you.  All I can say is that there are 2 options.

1) You are incapable of divorcing yourself from your feelings enough to properly assess the situation or
2) You are an exception to human nature.

And exceptions DO happen.  But frankly, I'm not taking a 90% chance of failure and having my ego stomped on when she cheats on me for a 10% chance of it working.  And anyone who DOES take those odds....well, probably works in the music industry.

First off there is no way we would cheat on each other, i trust her and she trusts me

Second off i see her once a month for usually 4 days

Thirdly i spent years in horrible relationships, im just not easy to get along with, I never planned on being with Noelle, we just talked so much and i realized she is someone i would really like to be with

Fourth i know plenty of girls, And they arent ugly or losers, they just could never be as good to me or as enjoyable for me to hang out with as Noelle is/has been


fifth.... i get more play than you, andrew
 :razz:

[Steavis]

A maintained a relationship with one of my ex's while she was in Korea  visiting family, she was there for a pretty long while and everyone told us it'd fall apart while she was there and they were wrong; it fell apart when she came back :wink:

[aleera84]

If its ment to; it will last. You just have to try harder if you really want it.

[eclv]

How far away is he moving?

The guys have a great take on this. I agree with them.

I would have to say as Steve pointed out, you are very young and there will be so many more men in your life (you may not think so now) but there are. You also have to remember that people change. You have changed so much in the few years I have known you. (nothing bad)

If you are going to try this  you have to be very secure in your relationship and with yourself for this work. What do you want? You have to ask if emails, phone calls, IM's and occasional visits are going to suffice. You can't get upset if that phone call doesn't come. And he can't either, he has to trust you. I know you always out and about.

It's hard but it works for some people. I just think that you are too young and there is so much out there you want, to have the stress of a LDR.

Someone once told me kinda as Katie pointed out if you let something go and it comes back, it was yours to keep.

Good luck. If you need anything, you know the number.

[Holly]

He's not even sure exactly where he's going yet... but he plans on traveling FAR away for 1-3 years before grad school. And then the 2 grad schools he's choosing between are either 1-2 hours, or across the country from me (too bad he can't choose the same grad school Tricia did  :wink: ).
But yeah... basically he's probably going to be out of the country for potentially 3 years. It's not really worthwhile to start anything in the next couple months, just knowing he's going to leave. It's just frustrating because he's like my dream guy and i could totally see us in a great relationship, and he can too. but we're just at different spots in our lives.

[NoelleNC]

Pete is sweet *hughug*

If you think long distance relationships CAN'T work at all, then that's just your own opinion... but everyone is different.

And it's not that I couldn't find anyone else (I'm a girl at a college with lots of perverted boys), it's just that I don't want to. I'm not desperate. I didn't decide to meet and date Pete bc I was so desperate and in need of a boyfriend. I wasn't even looking for a boyfriend, I just ended up really liking him to the point where I wanted to meet him in person; and the rest is history

Holly, if you think this guy is the most amazing guy you've ever met, if you feel like you will regret not trying anything, then I say try it because I think the worst things to regret are things you never tried... because you will always wonder.